Trouble ahead can be assessed in honesty and sense of personal participation. Mangled by yesterday I returned home from a long, long day at hospice: mandated training in sexual harassment & elder abuse. Which obvious to me is the sport of our culture. Fully conscious, growing more so minute by minute, my choices, what I self-defined as 'teasing.' Having left for the event thinking a satirical poem "Hitting on the Help." Were I not 'charming' it would be indicative of a jerk's choice and behavior.
Journalist, my self, and many that I know personally--and well--can be provocative in the extreme; saying and doing anything to get/gain entry through the armor of inertia. True of me in Spades. But then too of all my heroes: all definitions type, degree or class: by gender, race, sexual proclivities and creeds; did so in different ways in their time and even now coupled with new life emergent .
Love is not. Cannot be defined exclusively by sexual prospects, choices or activities since in time, soon after the honeymoon, or first encounter, sex becomes as exciting as plain brown wrapping paper. And by this I mean not sex toys, pornographic materials or drugs to enable or enhance.
Homophobic by varying degrees for a lifetime I published yesterday a post indicative of an alternative conclusion. Infer, or imply, what you will or must, I remain as I was before the claim and now as I am proud to become better integrated as a man finally grown to a new 'age of majority.'
I imply that we must become conscious of the Why & What we do honestly and transparently. For me & my future, sexuality is not just on the back burner simmering but declined, completely, off the menu of life. Not never but highly improbable; unworthy the effort since the cost is fantastic in all dimensions & directions. Add being true to myself -- I prize, parse and triage every second of these my final days . . . there are only so many heart beats given to any one life.
I take no pleasure or joy in belittling America since doing so better describes my estate before yesterday. To myself; I am ashamed and guilty for I've lost the best part of many relationships with people I have empathy with, for and admire. Sex with any one is vulnerability and consequential; even if not covenantal. . . .anathema & blasphemous to me personally.
At this point I am compelled to assess exactly who I think my 'audience' is. I am very astute in objective assessment of my enemy or prey. At that remaining a clown in love with Love and all Women encountered regardless of age -- infant to crone. Primitive reptilian I embrace all with a forked tongue before I engage, entwine or bite.
By far the greater issue presented in class was abuse of the elderly. Abuse of any kind is rape of body, mind, estate; especially human rights. Given my history I was near tears though out recognizing my failings and altruistic intentions -- the limits and excesses of both. In recognition of my own truths, at this age and before, I know my most sensual parts between my ears and heart and of greed my wallet now empty. Furious with this culture and myself for what passes as discourse, dialog and debate tendered to the lowest common denominator -- fear and greed. For safety. None of which have any credence. None at all. In a universe dedicated to change and creation.
Why and what I write is for you. You're becoming. Not just better but the best you can be. If that falls loosely in the category of 'Human Development' so be it. But there is no end to what we can become together. No limits since to love one, is to Love ALL ideally.
I entered the class experience a little yellow rubber ducky and left a great white shark.
Whole or holiness is merely a beginning; a posture/position momentary, tried by reality & truth every-day-in-every-way. From the tinny seed of life grow trees potentially enormous like the Tree of Life embracing the Universe.
PS "Whether they give or refuse, women are glad to have been asked." --Ovid
. . . Yet if you truly wish a relationship: walk slowly, speak softly and welcome the person not just the body desirable first. Know well the difference between aggression and assertion. And if I can teach you to love, why or how, knowing as well my familiarity with death then I can teach you why to die for Love.
And if you abuse, rape, harm or kill any life your reality becomes death. Not by my or the State/Nation hands but your own.
In closing. It seems to me our flag is drenched in blood -- of those who died for it and those who died by or because of it.
00:24 honesty
All are called, few respond, those who do are bestowed with wealth unimaginable, and from whom much is asked, not in return but for others; the commonwealth of life, by The Spirit of Truth.
02:57 All
© 2012 by Jack Spratt - All Rights Reserved
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