. . . cracked pavement of our neglected pathways

091226 17:32
Isolation, myopia and suicide are epidemic. Growing worse, devastating families, economies and governments, at a fantastic pace.
There are signs of justice and peace emerging within the cracked pavement of our neglected pathways to the future.
Our government is littered with ambition to be remembered, and reelected, for remarkable projects bearing the names of vanity. At the same time the moral and ethical fabric, or infrastructure, is lost in riotous shouting matches--seeking personal attention and celebrity.
Ordinary, everyday civilians, people who vote, regardless what is on the platform--tragedy or catastrophe--are voting with our wallets and feet.
Issues addressed from either side, Democrat or Republican, are not adjudicated with dispassion or a balanced concern for the majority. Or future of our Nation. Special, vested, interests rule and we all suffer the consequence.
These are temporal issues manifest with an eternal aftermath. The world itself suffers and apparently--perhaps--maybe not--convulses as we die, or kill ourselves, from essential needs ignored indifferently for the profit of those greedy for power.
What profit is expected of a parent who abuses a child? It seems, in my case to have been, by my father’s admission; “I didn’t know any better--or differently.” I have, on video tape, his volunteered confession that I, “was in the way” when I queried my placement with a grandparent at age five for a year and every subsequent summer thereafter until age thirteen when I was used as a worker in the family business.
I have no interest in, nor do I advocate, legal redress, or any new laws; since these events are daily and hidden; as covert as the vested interest molesting our future.
Institutionalization of personal agenda and ambition is obvious in a dysfunctional individual yet celebrated on a corporate level politically.
There is no ‘quick fix’ to repair the difficulties caused by drug or power addiction. There remains a process, once begun gathers momentum to empower individuals to live free productive lives and have healthy family relationships. Lamentably we are a goal oriented society ignoring historical process. Do not seek instant gratification but make the first step towards a real life lived, not one simply endured, or survived.
Strong individuals make a strong society and civilization, slaves make obscene profits for the few.
I think we can live in hope of a better today and tomorrow.

. . . justifiable anger, compelling my choice to “go-along-to-get-along.”

091226 20:21
I identify with poverty since I am impoverished and made poor by the wealthy.
I identify with the poor since I know the reality of their honesty and hard labor; former, present and future.
Moreover I identify with the broken, mentally ill and know their too few resources growing smaller and less daily. The examples are wandering America’s once “Streets of Gold” homeless.
Why?
Mental Health Issues uninsured and never addressed adequately for those returned from war; just one glaring example. The “War on Drugs” could not exist without customers. Why not attempt to heal the need rather than kill the providers?
Again and again I see political expediency showboating, obvious, yet futile efforts at enormous expense and profit to a few individuals, corporations and institutions against the even greater profit of drug cartels and pharmaceutical monopolies.
It was not until in poverty and taking a chance I stopped taking psychotropic drugs for a misdiagnosed mental health issue: being bipolar.
I have no recourse. I was complicit for codependent issues, justifiable anger, compelling my choice to “go-along-to-get-along.”
I can no longer advocate a ‘religious’ or ‘governmental’ solution since I conclude they are the problem and offer no solutions on an individual basis.
We must do this for ourselves one-by-one. The effort grows two-by-two, four-by-four, onward.
Random acts of human kindness go a long way towards healing and replacing all that has been taken from us.
In the end I believe the meek will inherit the earth.
. . . and we are legion and intend no harm.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Introjection

. . . coal in your stocking for . . . Christmas

091226 13:16
“A Hard Candy . . . an Orange, or coal in your stocking for . . .  Christmas“ it goes on-and-on.
. . . response to random insights Christmas Day:
I want to narrow my focus to people in trouble. Who isn’t?
Specifically I am, at the moment, concerned for people like me, boys & girls, women & men, for whom Christmas was a disappointment for most of their lives. For me, this celebration was dominated by savage suicidal depression. I have a number a statistics, personal and world-wide, to rationalize my negative mood. Yet buried within myself are several exceptional scenarios of surprise and delight. Which, when, and if, they were remembered, saved my day & life.
Think of Sunday, in the backseat--family car---do people do that these days? Multiply fifty-two times infinity, remembering when you waited patiently for “it to be over” and that was my Christmas for sixty-eight years.
“Are we there yet?”
Was met with violence--physical or emotional--to myself and/or sister.
I personally, have no time, left in my life, to write all the poems, novels, movies and plays potential in my negative memories. I am too conscious of those children we seldom hear about beaten to death yesterday or maybe the lucky ones who weren’t otherwise hurled from speeding cars, abandoned or simply burned alive, or drown.
My son died December 10th, 1976.
My grandfather killed himself with a shotgun blast to the groin, at or around the same time, years before, then bleeding out over a period of ten or more days afterwards.
My very best Christmas, before yesterday, was as a volunteer for a suicide intervention ‘hot line.’ It was a bit like giving a child a magnificently wrapped gift, having that child tear open the box, discard the wrapping, take one look at the surprise, lay it aside and then spend the rest of the day playing with the box.
Co-Dependency is a problem, and solution, that applies to my current stability, sanity and celebration of all life--now--including Christmas, yesterday.
No one is asking me to repay my gratitude for 12 Step Programs but I feel it important “to pay my dues” in thanksgiving thus attempt making healing available for others who suffer.
. . . Christmas Day
1.) Stockholm Syndrome became conscious to me.
2.) I had a savage and terrifying dream rendering me estranged & disabled from all love and peace; present, past, future.
3.) While recording the specifics of my ‘nightmare’ I became aware of Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy -- Fabricated or induced illness (FII)
. . . There is no resource available to people who refuse to enter into their FEELINGS. Many choose addiction to alcohol, drugs, sex, crime, gambling, eating; the list is overwhelming--instead.
. . . Avarice is the opposite extreme of addictions listed above; celebrated, emulated and ‘worshiped’ as demonstrated; our current “Religion & Governance.”
I am in love with women, and long for them . . . well . . . one; actually. But sexual intimacy is impossible between us. Off the table, and not on the menu. I am aware of their abuse by other men before me; father, brother, uncle, sons--'husband(s).'
Men, generally never grow to maturity, emotionally or spiritually, and we are viciously greedy to use women. It is not penetrative sex exclusively--but inappropriate attention does the same thing--enslaving women, making them cripples and victims forever.
I will close here and do more research.
I'll get back to you with this closing observation/conclusion:
To make love with another soul, heart, mind is gratification raised to the third power & Higher.