091230 06:09
If you read what I write that is wonderful. Think notes folded and flown from the prison of time. And this is a preface to the next three postings in chronological sequence Julian Date System:
year, month, day then the hour of day.
091227
091228
091229
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
If I did it, so can you.
091227 19:36
Periodically I fall into a bottomless well concerned that I have gone, and lead you, astray.
I am a passionately political animal. In Junior High School, Riverside, Connecticut, I led the Republican half of all debates until our Social Studies teacher took me aside to answer a question. “There are many things I cannot teach due to parental pressure and restrictions.“
My interest in politics and news events disappeared.
I read many resources, mostly alternative to commercial broadcasts, and listen to National Public Radio--sometimes consistently, and at other times I fall to weeping and don’t return for days. I have made of myself a television virgin, not having or viewing one for three years.
That said, I am now moving into an arena of the eternal versus temporal.
I enjoy writing about the options available to everyone having discovered them in my self and the simple, yet profound truth that I have been saved from insanity, as defined by Albert Einstein; “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
We, as children, love our parents regardless their choice, behavior and what they tell us to do in life. It has taken me many loses, not the least being my children, to fully apprehend the intention of parenthood; to enable the child to survive in a cruel and indifferent world.
My focus in this case is for those of use who received negatives instead of positive attention: abuse instead of love.
We are a people of significant gifts buried beneath lies bequeathed to us from our parents legacy received from theirs. In the past twenty-four hours I have been lead to understand most of the specifics as described in current psychological research.
I was addicted to dysfunctional relationships; starting with my parents. Initially the sense I now see myself in past choices to fulfill what was implied by their abandonment, rejection and teaching me exactly how incompetent and unworthy of their love they saw me as being.
I have had many dreams that, seen in retrospect, now make perfect sense. And I know, we all dream, both in sleep and life. And in most part retain conclusions drawn from those painful encounters with authority. Worse, we seek partners who replicate our parents dysfunctions and attempt to heal people by helping them cross streets they don’t want to cross. Then, when children result biologically or adopted we do to them what was done to us, knowing nothing better to address the inevitable issues and trials life and death; theirs or ours.
What I suggest is a simple, safe, personal, free healing that is available to everyone. It starts by listening to yourself independent the approval or censure of others.
We are a powerful people and our love is valuable to all others since we are persistent and obviously loyal. But our loyalty is misdirected to parents who no long are present and our lives gone awry because of their teachings.
Using myself, as I am now, I realize, accept and celebrate that I entered my whole life, becoming judge, jury, advocate and execute my daily life free, forgiving and loving both myself and my parents.
If I did it, so can you.
Periodically I fall into a bottomless well concerned that I have gone, and lead you, astray.
I am a passionately political animal. In Junior High School, Riverside, Connecticut, I led the Republican half of all debates until our Social Studies teacher took me aside to answer a question. “There are many things I cannot teach due to parental pressure and restrictions.“
My interest in politics and news events disappeared.
I read many resources, mostly alternative to commercial broadcasts, and listen to National Public Radio--sometimes consistently, and at other times I fall to weeping and don’t return for days. I have made of myself a television virgin, not having or viewing one for three years.
That said, I am now moving into an arena of the eternal versus temporal.
I enjoy writing about the options available to everyone having discovered them in my self and the simple, yet profound truth that I have been saved from insanity, as defined by Albert Einstein; “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
We, as children, love our parents regardless their choice, behavior and what they tell us to do in life. It has taken me many loses, not the least being my children, to fully apprehend the intention of parenthood; to enable the child to survive in a cruel and indifferent world.
My focus in this case is for those of use who received negatives instead of positive attention: abuse instead of love.
We are a people of significant gifts buried beneath lies bequeathed to us from our parents legacy received from theirs. In the past twenty-four hours I have been lead to understand most of the specifics as described in current psychological research.
I was addicted to dysfunctional relationships; starting with my parents. Initially the sense I now see myself in past choices to fulfill what was implied by their abandonment, rejection and teaching me exactly how incompetent and unworthy of their love they saw me as being.
I have had many dreams that, seen in retrospect, now make perfect sense. And I know, we all dream, both in sleep and life. And in most part retain conclusions drawn from those painful encounters with authority. Worse, we seek partners who replicate our parents dysfunctions and attempt to heal people by helping them cross streets they don’t want to cross. Then, when children result biologically or adopted we do to them what was done to us, knowing nothing better to address the inevitable issues and trials life and death; theirs or ours.
What I suggest is a simple, safe, personal, free healing that is available to everyone. It starts by listening to yourself independent the approval or censure of others.
We are a powerful people and our love is valuable to all others since we are persistent and obviously loyal. But our loyalty is misdirected to parents who no long are present and our lives gone awry because of their teachings.
Using myself, as I am now, I realize, accept and celebrate that I entered my whole life, becoming judge, jury, advocate and execute my daily life free, forgiving and loving both myself and my parents.
If I did it, so can you.
. . . sustain life itself
091228 04:48
Life’s primary concern is to sustain life itself. We are limited to vocational education dealing with this problem or “how to do it.” We all want safety, security, to be warm in winter and cool in summer for ourselves individually. Obviously we need fuel called food.
We achieve this at a cost since the world is not convenient to our needs between it’s seasons and extreme variations within any one season. It was here long before we appeared. What we are a flash of light compared to an ‘eternity’ of darkness.
Consider yourself as one of the greatest predators in our brief history upon this planet. Balance that between what you want and what you need. There can be a personal balance between these two apposing elements of our lives. Add to that, we tend to be unconscious of the conflict and meaning of either definition: want; need.
Additionally we use words and concepts regarding our perception and experience. The variations of our common life origins define our culture and civilization. There is no common agreement regarding life’s purpose, value and or meaning.
We are born, we live and then we die. The first and the last is the same for all of us. The middle part is where we get into trouble considering “want & need.”
Reductive consciousness teaches me that life is best examined in poverty. Life goes on with/without all the culture/civilization issues and will continue long after I depart.
The more attention I pay to the poor the simpler life becomes.
We are born and die alone. The middle part, short/long, is defined by our relationships and our choices acted out in every moment of our lives. Poverty has taught me that we are just fine and provided for in the basics. Yet we remain essentially very primitive perceptually anticipating threats when there are none, or at the very worst fewer fears than we need pay attention to on a 24/7 365 basis.
Life’s primary concern is to sustain life itself. We are limited to vocational education dealing with this problem or “how to do it.” We all want safety, security, to be warm in winter and cool in summer for ourselves individually. Obviously we need fuel called food.
We achieve this at a cost since the world is not convenient to our needs between it’s seasons and extreme variations within any one season. It was here long before we appeared. What we are a flash of light compared to an ‘eternity’ of darkness.
Consider yourself as one of the greatest predators in our brief history upon this planet. Balance that between what you want and what you need. There can be a personal balance between these two apposing elements of our lives. Add to that, we tend to be unconscious of the conflict and meaning of either definition: want; need.
Additionally we use words and concepts regarding our perception and experience. The variations of our common life origins define our culture and civilization. There is no common agreement regarding life’s purpose, value and or meaning.
We are born, we live and then we die. The first and the last is the same for all of us. The middle part is where we get into trouble considering “want & need.”
Reductive consciousness teaches me that life is best examined in poverty. Life goes on with/without all the culture/civilization issues and will continue long after I depart.
The more attention I pay to the poor the simpler life becomes.
We are born and die alone. The middle part, short/long, is defined by our relationships and our choices acted out in every moment of our lives. Poverty has taught me that we are just fine and provided for in the basics. Yet we remain essentially very primitive perceptually anticipating threats when there are none, or at the very worst fewer fears than we need pay attention to on a 24/7 365 basis.
Looking back, at now and forward . . .
091229 14:34
Life for me draws near its close. Looking back, at now and forward, I wonder why I write. I was told for most of my life I was, ‘too stupid to get in out of the rain’, and well I remember begging my mother for permission to write. She finally said, “you don’t need my permission.” That gift was near the very last days of her life.
Our relationship continues; where she once hurled me nude from her home, I now carry her adored in my arms to God & Heaven. My mercy & forgiveness granted.
At that time I was conscious of a savage rage against her imprecations/maledictions.
Her behaviors were worse. And dear old dad said nothing but watched, indifferent, in silence, mute. Abandonment and rejection were my lot in life.
Throughout my life nightmares were few, far apart, and now seen as gifts, as I do my being taught to stand and, not take it, but deliver love far better than I received.
I define my life now as magnificent and rich beyond counting. Suffocated with values I would share explicitly with those of us who were broken beneath the wheel and drown in sorrows.
The description has no prescription. I am confident since I spoke it too often to be surprised its repetition from those I speak with seeking alternatives, through addictions, perversions and pleasures inimical to themselves and all life in others.
I write because I love doing it. It is an active form of prayer discovered in my silent plea for mother to love herself while destroying me. As the age of majority arrived, my violence less well hidden, the beatings stopped but the pain and depression continued until too recently for full understanding and acceptance.
If I speak of, and to, God as friend then I obviously find no Religion or Government adequate the dialog. Communication can be communion with Love sustained. I am not Jesus, or the Anti-Christ, merely a soul who longs, upon the evidence of lives I touch, to heal them yet filled with brokenness the power to miraculously do so. Where Jesus had a bruised reed scepter mine was, long ago, dissolved in tears, not reed, but water.
I am a river stone unbroken, polished smooth, by eons of time speaking before language.
I see this kernel in everyone regardless of all qualifications wealth, poverty, creed or color. Knowing that their protests against others as their projections of fear and guilt. I am saved and know that all can be so; if only they, or we together, take the first step forward to inhabit now and seek a future in love accepting all our faceted diversities, time forgiven/forgotten.
Life for me draws near its close. Looking back, at now and forward, I wonder why I write. I was told for most of my life I was, ‘too stupid to get in out of the rain’, and well I remember begging my mother for permission to write. She finally said, “you don’t need my permission.” That gift was near the very last days of her life.
Our relationship continues; where she once hurled me nude from her home, I now carry her adored in my arms to God & Heaven. My mercy & forgiveness granted.
At that time I was conscious of a savage rage against her imprecations/maledictions.
Her behaviors were worse. And dear old dad said nothing but watched, indifferent, in silence, mute. Abandonment and rejection were my lot in life.
Throughout my life nightmares were few, far apart, and now seen as gifts, as I do my being taught to stand and, not take it, but deliver love far better than I received.
I define my life now as magnificent and rich beyond counting. Suffocated with values I would share explicitly with those of us who were broken beneath the wheel and drown in sorrows.
The description has no prescription. I am confident since I spoke it too often to be surprised its repetition from those I speak with seeking alternatives, through addictions, perversions and pleasures inimical to themselves and all life in others.
I write because I love doing it. It is an active form of prayer discovered in my silent plea for mother to love herself while destroying me. As the age of majority arrived, my violence less well hidden, the beatings stopped but the pain and depression continued until too recently for full understanding and acceptance.
If I speak of, and to, God as friend then I obviously find no Religion or Government adequate the dialog. Communication can be communion with Love sustained. I am not Jesus, or the Anti-Christ, merely a soul who longs, upon the evidence of lives I touch, to heal them yet filled with brokenness the power to miraculously do so. Where Jesus had a bruised reed scepter mine was, long ago, dissolved in tears, not reed, but water.
I am a river stone unbroken, polished smooth, by eons of time speaking before language.
I see this kernel in everyone regardless of all qualifications wealth, poverty, creed or color. Knowing that their protests against others as their projections of fear and guilt. I am saved and know that all can be so; if only they, or we together, take the first step forward to inhabit now and seek a future in love accepting all our faceted diversities, time forgiven/forgotten.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)