Clara Bell

We as people regardless of all definitions applied for the convenience of governing: are unique: the solution; not the problem & glorious in and of ourselves. Exactly: when, why, what, about anything ARE

This I've said before in many ways, different places, posts; degrees, kinds and types. And I have a profound faith in my thesis since personal investigation, via self education, has lent me a conviction of unity between vastly different people: all races, genders, creeds, intentions and what remains of their lives as lived.

What I conclude is a higher Commonwealth of Consciousness does exist and can be given a voice more reasonable, generous and tolerant than what we have now for governance.

Not a "World Religion" but tolerance of all, a communal sense of the giftedness of all -- for ALL. We do, in my lexicon, belong to one another as Mother Teresa suggested. If I see 'God' everywhere it is merely that I look for THE ALL everywhere. And my vision/version of God is vastly less sentimental than most; less classical, formal or wishful thinking.

REST PERIOD 22:15

I seldom acknowledge my own pain, holding suffering off, so I must have been exhausted because I don't sleep i die momentarily. Car horns, door bells and telephones cannot awaken me.

The smiles, touches, affirmations we give one another identify of us humanity willing to love unconditionally those we'll never see again no gratuity or request for anything else exactly as God does to me I do you -- by this I mean towards strangers those who we'll never see again -- and our random gifts may be the only kindness "Jesus" in the poor & meek will ever know in this resurrection cycle. . . .Be not afraid, have no fear allowing no fear to own you: BE GENERIOUS indiscriminately. Neither idle boast nor proud M&M give 20~25% gratuities to wait staff.

Where I purchase my bulk cigarette tobacco, American Spirit, Clara Bell the gal who once asked; "How's your Christmas going?" In transparent honesty I told her my son died December 10th to which she replied my daughter too sometime near that time. We have become friends not acquaintances. A few months ago she had a little sign folded on the drive through counter asking for donations for her Aunt's medical needs, Adult Onset Leukemia in old Mexico. Every ten days or so I'd be sure to have enough cash to give her a ten or twenty for her cause.

I am ignoble by nature, this is no boast, since I profoundly accept "let your right hand not know what your left is doing" meaning don't let on or anyone know you've done it. Bill Gates is a very rich ass hole who represents the theft of Intellectual Property Rights of creative people. He never created anything in his life accept wealth giving him the power to take from me and make nice with the poor he selects for his aggrandizement.

my life has always been a study in suicide never having found a reason to live i'd laugh @ myself in the mirror wondering if I would have the courage to end it as Jerzy Kosinski of "The Painted Bird" did with a common white lettered plastic grocery bag in the bath tub so they could simply flush away is shit and urine -- you must intuit that in order to fully humiliate Jesus they murdered him nude so those feet I hold with the large spikes are actually covered in urine and shit -- fuck the Pope's who put pasties on penises and while we're at it FUCK PAPAL INFALIBILITY yet this old white boy is more Catholic than they are since it is all that remains of the original goy church but at that I am more a Shaker or Quaker than anything 'Christian'

I've a friend, well she told me to take a hike, who asked once what was meant by the following; "If you see Buddha walking down the road kill Him!" Took awhile to realize that I was her "beard" gay she was is maybe still is. "Beard" in lesbian lexicon means a token make to pass as not being gay.

Buddha's premise was and remains that we are all Buddha's so any ass hole pretending to be him is a fraud. My vision/version of the 'joke' or Koan. Think about The Sound of One Hand? Or did the tree falling in the forest make a sound if no one was there to hear it? Most politicians being psychopaths & amoral should not be allowed out of their cribs much less pretend nobility or god hood. Wankers one & all playing with themselves in public sans clothes or crowns

Recent events: I was in such pain that I actually thought about cutting my nuts off with a paring knife. I know I'd have bled out in a minute or so. The plastic grocery bag or gasoline flicking my Bic would have been kinder. The Emergency Room staff told me my blood pressure was a stroke/cardiac arrest level. I'm happily still here minus one testicle and glad I listened, in this case, to my suffering.

We are an nation of emigrants. The people here before us, and before them, and so on, had no sense of ownership but gratitude for the providence of The Great Spirit . . . what we now call "God."

I have apparently always felt, thought, sensed and intuited myself inadequate and unworthy of life or love. It has taken years of keeping/writing a personal journal to merely and simply write that sentence without hysteria. I still feel that way thus my ideation of suicide continues.

Isolated by choice, chance or the indifference of those around me has armored me. The armor, however, has dings, rust, cracks and vents through which the love of random strangers have kept me walking and talking; I now have friends and community that seem to love if not merely accept or endure me as i am. Could it be that they see in my eyes what I see in theirs: the same longing to be real and beloved of All that is Good . . . & . . . experiential.

Kindness and generosity become their own justification, not a gesture, but a personal truth. It seems that my face against the cold light green tile walls of the emergency room began another 'conversion experience.' What I prefer to call an "Extrusion" refining me to something less than I previously thought myself to be . . . LESS IS MORE! Humble and meek more so than ever in my grief and unending ideation of suicide I am well now; healed.

I do not know our Bible nearly so well as I'd like to. But remember many cockleburs stuck in the fleshy parts of my mind. Words, couplets, stanzas and parables that have caused me to pause before slipping off a midnight Christmas Eve bridge. In most cases it wasn't the words by themselves but more often those who in love gave them to me in prefect intuition that what they gave was what I needed -- desperately -- at that moment. And the messages go on and on daily, minute by second by words, deeds expressions of love silently passing across the space between us all. The greatest value is love and love given freely without expectation of anything but the feeling of love passing through us . . . is that the Light of The World?

i think so

amen

PS Life and love are difficult but not impossible, the obverse is too possible and will end the entire planet as a viable place to live.

120822 18:29 who are we?
© 2012 by Jack Spratt All Rights Reserved

Marriage is made, not in Heaven, but between 2 equals

Disquiet agitation/an alchemical transformation/fizzing up around my mind/this hour, this day, this date long ago & the Bride-of-My-Youth

Though I am by habit one to annotate the special days of others I have no idea whether it was this day or the 24th when we were formally hitched . . . i do not believe in divorce since it is not of me or Heaven or her but of men whose laws deal exclusively in the realm of property knowing the cost but never the value of anything.

We are hours, miles & theologies apart Yet I love her unreasonably. As I did in third grade when first I laid eyes upon her -- Nothing can change that.

No one and nothing can be exclusively what I value it as -- save in the prayer wheel of my heart: a large embossed drum spun by many hands, eyes, fingers in passing, bearing many of their and my prayers: common in Tibet.

Having been touched by the Dalai Lama, his hand shaken in passing, when I did not know and value Thomas Merton whose hand he also shook. And I do now as I do my first and great love no longer know well or intimately . . . should I say sexually for we were never intimate in the profound friendship of a Dalai and a Merton. Or as I now know intimacy greater than anything save the intimacy with/for God.

She bore the children I mourn. And being their mother: of enormous value, reverence and love still. Though perceptually they remained moldering between us never intimately discussed -- conversed --dialoged about. Essential to grief with one you trust. At that, if no one, then weep with God who will heal you given sufficient time. Possibly not now, this life, but the next when we gather together in the rive of love above infinite.

In God I've become essentially celibate. Yet given his/her non accountability since the removal of one testicle and my solo demonstration that all other things remaining are operative. I believe I may or might once before dying; should I find a friend willing to grant me the pleasure of her body: I will in fact and deed fuck her. Again I beg, no, beseech you forgive my trespass since I am a common ordinary old man who still can.

I accept my sisters definition as favorable in the following sense: Fornication Under the Consent of the King. Though I could, but not now, elaborate on this and many other issues sexual. I equally prize the reference of another lover, adultery then & still: guilty but loved unreasonably said; "Don't say this 'sucks' since sucking is wonderful, divine and an exquisite joy."

Creativity is a realm of creating your Self, already given but hidden, unique and nonesuch ever before or afterward. Competition only applies with the soul/Self none other. Regarding all other things competition is good and improves the breed's ability to survive: Not Darwin's theory as misinterpreted by the greedy.

Don't be simply well but be so damn bad that all others the lame, the poor the blind will follow you anywhere even rats.

 120822 0612 marriage
© 2012 by Jack Spratt All Rights Reserved

Freedom is your sole possession greater in value than your body, it's health and welfare. Once entered and inhabited: a wealth beyond counting or measurement; immaterial

Always virgin, asexual, being both female and male in equal parts balanced.

Freedom is a soul unbound. Never enslaved by it's author: the energy, or self: what we by self-limiting call "God."

If I know God at all it is by the definition of others vastly different from me by creed. Meaning simply that their version is slightly different than mine but describes, what is in essence, the same qualities I live by and will die for; so vast is the love received: what matter me or my life in gift returned.

As I write I cannot eschew the orphans by AID's, poverty, ill health, violence domestic and international. Who, by any means or measures, simply die for our indifference to their plight.

I am ignoble in my concern; for there is too little, too late and insufficient my concern or mere awareness of the facts to aid them making their life the glory I know true of all life. And while the world was once awash in currency it is now hoarded by a few at the expense of many. In, of and for myself alone, I call them murder's. Yet as God leads so I follow to respect their choice by the implications of free will and foretell of no consequence greater than witness the consequence nakedly revealed as it is to me now, before now and endlessly conscious.

"The truth will set you free" -- LOOK IT UP! Yet this self evident truth espoused by Gandhi and Jesus and many -- many more of both genders and many creeds is ignored by those who instead of joy seek pleasure. I, while in concern of the millions, am equally conscious of the individual souls raped, tortured, mutilated and/or cut apart and hidden in shame; the crimes against not the one; but the all of us.

Add I am concerned for the theft of liberty by anyone or nation who would expunge Habeas Corpus thus holding captive without due process the laws of man. Astonished to find Abraham Lincoln invoked this in a time of war -- having too little time to ferret out his rational -- to me inexcusable especially of one who I presume a Saint.

Humankind's laws are reactionary, while God's are reasonable, as experienced by me: react versus proactive. By which I imply nothing but personal observance.  Obviously I am not religious but then neither is God.

We are.

I infer our adherence to statutes established in a time of few people, seem impractical, in a time of over population to the extent of being, roughly, at 1/3 over capacity. This earth, our home, and nest. Soon to rise at a fantastic rate; too many more than probable sustenance.

Take special interest in "The Ten Commandments" which I cannot argue theologically but think were established long before Moses was a twinkle in God's eyes. By oral tradition passed forward from before the time of Gilgamesh 2500 years before the birth, murder, resurrection of Jesus whose name was never "Christ" until after his death and worship by the goy.

There is no end to my love of and for God. Therefore I will close with the following: I am a patient man aggrieved by not merely the deaths of my children but of all children. So long as I have breathe can stand forward will I belabor those who hoard instead of share even the lesser part, a tithe, a mere ten percent.

Foot Note: In response to my published query for reasons, the popularity of my blog post on Eric Hoffer, this is my intuitive reply to the silence I received despite the greatest number of 'hits' of anything written by me.

Be well . . . the difference between aggression and assertion is that the former means the rape of Iraq the latter implies the commonwealth of life is shared . . . simplistic but close enough for now, for America.

Again be well and rejoice in all things, I say again rejoice and be well,
Amen

120822 0411 freedom
© 2012 by Jack Spratt All Rights Reserved

. . . addendum
an intuitive guess from Horace:

"Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents, which, in prosperous circumstances, would have lain dormant."
"Anger is a short madness."
"Carpe diem! Rejoice while you are alive; enjoy the day; live life to the fullest; make the most of what you have. It is later than you think."
"Cease to inquire what the future has in store, and take as a gift whatever the day brings forth."
"He has not lived badly whose birth and death has been unnoticed by the world."
"He who postpones the hour of living rightly is like the rustic who waits for the river to run out before he crosses."
"I am not bound over to swear allegiance to any master; where the storm drives me I turn in for shelter."

. . . my way of fucking you -- or with you . . .

120822 02:36 beloved adversary

in reply http://culturalbook.com/profiles/blogs/always-wannabe-con-man-at-thirteen-to-his-wizardry?commentId=6443008%3AComment%3A78554&xg_source=msg_com_blogpost
to Wilson B. Sanchez

May I call you "dear," Wilson, my beloved contra self?

Of all the potential directions I awoke with, after a few, yet perhaps too many brief hours of rest. I awoke knowing myself impelled to choose some venue, or issue, to address; and love came first. And as in squat tag: you're IT!

Among the many grief's I've known: my impossible ignorance of language, not merely comprehension of my lingua franca, but apprehension of Spanish -- as spoken here -- referred to as Spanglish. You draw me compellingly into not fight or flight but engagement since I love your mind.

And though I am by nature, penchant and proclivity drawn to sexuality with women I freely confess that there is one man for whom no sexual act I could refuse since I love him nearly to my love for God. I intuit that my family those who serve the dying know since we have no fear of kissing upon meeting or parting nor holding hands while walking and conversing. . . .Love knows no boundaries in God, myself, or as he love to call himself 'Juan Carlos.'

I have vast acquaintanceship with the arts and crafts of erotica. Since in large measure pornography once completed does not remind me to put out the trash for collection afterwards. And beneath that, more compellingly, is -- at along last discovered thanks (specifically to pornography) -- the issue of trust. And all the women of my acquaintance have betrayed me on that specific issue aborting my fragile more feminine vulnerability to betrayal. I recall most if not all that the bride of my youth said in reference to us; "I feel as though I'm walking upon eggs." I will not bore you with details since they are an endless museum of slander unimaginable to herself.

Finally, before penetrating your: "Once more you catch my attention in the beginning, then lead me astray',to finally abandon me in a wood I've been before (that is, one you've left me alone in the past with most of your other posts). Porqua? Thought we were friends?"

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=porqua

Dearest, we are friends, and it may well be my way of fucking you -- or with you -- to draw you into a conspiracy with yourself. Like sex with another person, relationship is more than giving what they request, it is equally, or more so the giving of one's Self. Not always a "Happy Ending" but an invitation to something more, for me equally sacred, friendship.

Thus if I love, I love with the depth, breadth, height, width and unending endurance of God's love for not merely me but all humanity.

Be well Amigo. Let us join again in jest or joust for I prize the contest. Which for me is win/win.

Perhaps your "darkening wood" is your problem; not mine. For myself: I've walked through the center of hell finding myself in a different version of it passing for the common coin of culture in our time. Beset with terror, manipulated by fear, preached by fools who want only my wealth and/or health. Perchance for me to disappear and no longer question their motives. . . . If you "Trust in God" you must answer to God eventually.

. . . my wish, will, prayer for you is that you find God your friend within and that God's will be expressed to your benefit -- as in mine -- to be fucked over by God is play not punishment.