120723 13:30 definitions
I use the word "God" as little as possible, since like the word love, both are incomprehensible to most of us. Yet obviously we all have faith in each word individually. Struggling to comprehend what is going on inside us when we feel the presence of either. Add to which there is the penchant of advertising to lie in order to get you or me or us to buy even that which kills us.
Too well acquainted with grief, my own and that of many others, of all ages, from children to those about to die. At a conference on grief I responded to a general question; "What is grief?" Since no one was forthcoming and in an attempt to move the dialog along I spontaneously raised my hand and said, "The loss of definition."
Death is an obvious trauma and equal to becoming a mate/marriage or living with someone else regardless of gender, birth, the trials and vicissitudes of childhood, 'yours' by birth or adoption.
Think anything that hip jacks you away from the center of your comfort zone. What is or was 'normal' turns upside down and inside out -- loss of child, marriage, limb, sight; you name it and will have to claim it because it is now your new truth.
In conversation with M we admitted that we knew in the first three weeks we had made a mistake; not unlike buyer's remorse. Thinking marriage was something we ought or should do in the culture of our breeding years.
The honeymoon was quickly over. Then began the earnest process of adapting to another system of though, feelings, intuitions and sensing begins. Were I an ordained priest/rabbi/minister knowing the couple in front of me asked me to marry them I'd begin with: Don't see each other for at least a month or longer. It's okay to meet for coffee, no more, and no sex of any kind. If living together separate for the same length of time.
Sex is comparable, at a certain age, as the instinct to keep breathing, eat or evacuate your bladder and bowels. It is normal and nothing to be ashamed of or guilty about. And any one or institution tells you otherwise: walk away, ignore that/them as your are free to ignore me.
It is you life, your body, your soul -- you know you have one? a soul I mean!
Your no should be NO
maybe no, maybe yes equivocal but -- EMPHATIC
your yes be YES!
And when the question is ambiguous without a yes or no answer that's when you run like hell. Don't let your greed rule your mind -- that is addiction meaning there is never enough.
Be honest transparent sincere.
Real love is a gift given without expectation of anything in return . . . expectation is slavery and that is what you make of your beloved . . . it defines them in ways unaccountable, irresponsible, needy greedy; a plea to define you in ways that will enslave you to them.
That is not love it is criminal theft of the other's life . . . real love fears nothing, is heroic and willing to negotiate a consensus, and speak truth to power.
"Man loves little and often, woman much and rarely."- Anonymous
Free men are aware of the imperfection inherent in human affairs, and they are willing to fight and die for that which is not perfect. They know that basic human problems can have no final solutions, that our freedom, justice, equality, etc. are far from absolute, and that the good life is compounded of half measures, compromises, lesser evils, and gropings toward the perfect. The rejection of approximations and the insistence on absolutes are the manifestation of a nihilism that loathes freedom, tolerance, and equity.
~ Eric Hoffer ~
Marriage and true friendship is serious business the consequences are astonishing and for better or worse for life. Bad is an unknown and can be catastrophic: your mate by whom you now define yourself and real life can fall ill, not want to fool around, contract AIDS, fall ill with Alzheimer's and die slowly over a period of twenty years.
I know because I am a hospice volunteer working in the clinical part. Since Medicare has been cut 30% in the past three years. They had no one to answer the telephone to forward calls to patients rooms. Being neither poo nor pee adverse I do more than I am legally allowed. It is not a right but a privilege and they have every right to kick me to the curb. Being a 24/7/365 care giving organization there are inadequate funds for telephone operators or Certified Nursing assistants to fill in the gaps
I have decided recently to be celibate for the rest of my life. It's bad enough to have a cat who when seeking attention sometimes lightly touches me to announce her want. At other times she lays across my keyboard or merely perches in front of the monitor. I love myself confidently knowing that otherwise I can't be bothered. I refuse to be since if I love myself I cannot use another merely for sexual pleasure or clean laundry. I don't want to be friends with benefits since that would abort my concentration. You see I used to think my attraction was lust but now know it as concern for her or his welfare -- I can and do leave -- carrying those I care about or love with me at all times. It's called continual prayer.
In the beginning, as in the end, marriage or relationships are a daily renewable bond; just as in love between humans & God.
And should either leave the other the work ahead is to redefine yourself now alone. To live fully loving yourself as that now.
© 2012 by Jack Spratt All Rights Reserved
