rightly tightly

In myriad ways, insignificant but telling, we have forged a bond. Not yet ready to say we’re married and such, but in all intents and purposes so. Equally aware marriage, as all life truly lived, is renewed daily: or more often by needs. It follows that I am especially aware between us there are no secrets hid and with each Audition or personal step more has been revealed. Daily expanding is my sense we are joy for one another rippling outward.

There are times when she protests the rarefied air atop her pedestal but then draws me up with a hug and kiss and I’m there too! Stretching up to reach the stars.

11:06

Eating when hungry, sleeping when tired; I die and dream in my rest periods auguring, laughing and crying with the All. Boundaries between times cycle rapidly and prevision or symbolic visions become more vivid and frequent. The dreams seem best described as for all instead of me alone. Déjà vus has happened on several occasions and while looking up the word (spell and definition) I am sad to realize it equally used to describe boredom. Instead I recoil at the realization I may have envisioned her world by conversation long distance.

In play: I doubt that I will return to Las Cruces NM. Leaving behind the life I there, except for M, nothing of sufficient value to move being less in value than the cost to do so. In a sense, in a way, it is dying and being reborn. The essentials sharply drawn and refocused as highest values; what I brought with me and myself of course. Annie, my rescue cat companion is obviously important to me and we’re making arrangements for her here. I have been in similar circumstances before. In writing the sentence I recognized the exile to my Grandmothers for the summer school vacations and many other leavings. Significant now, this move is similar, in that I am leaving behind reference materials. Equipment, computers, printers etc., some in unopened boxes. Conjecture and/or intentions never inhabited. Roads not taken, forgotten and/or neglected for this, my greatest joy, writing.

Typical of me to work things out via journal keeping.

15:51

Awoke from the far side of midnight in time to have those two dogs sleeping upon, around, beside me arise and bark in chorus with neighborhood dogs. Aware there is similarity between M & P both are lovely, kind, loving, generous and attuned to animals like this who writes.

Within dreamless sleep I sensed an new order born; everything in its place shipshape and . . . in this case: St. Johnsbury fashion. As close as I’ve been to death, my own and others, I’ve learned not to sweat the small stuff. Remembering an Estate Sale in New Hampshire for The New York Times, long, too long ago. Wherein a man of accomplishments, his life displayed in awards, degrees, mementos and trivial valuable to someone else: now he was gone. So as for me it is actually as if I had died and been reborn/resurrected/reincarnated mobetta. Actually: Mostbesstus.

130528 EDT 08:08 rightly tightly

© 2013 by Jack Spratt—All Rights Reserved

any way you can

To love, be loved, becoming best friends ever, is to become touched by grace

Genius

. . . and this peace pervading me is untouchable by any event imaginable or otherwise since grace suffuses and imbues me with itself peace that is beyond all understanding like the air I breath and what breathes me.

Were I able in other ways to give you what I feel save in these abased words I would—but would you receive it, the peace I mean.

I have no sense of permanency since peace like love must grow as a renewable bond/covenant/contract preemptive and higher than what law implies since law is remedial and I bore myself repeating it while love is fluid like the seas washing away the shores of conceit.  

“Measure yourself by your best moments, not by your worst. We are too prone to judge ourselves by our moments of despondency and depression.” - Robert Johnson

23:31

At night the stars are as bright here in Vermont as any I’ve ever seen anywhere absent the pollution of cities. And standing upward gazing I remember the point of sail called Broad Reach; the wind a quarter between the beam and stern snoring across the sea blind confident in peace the course ahead. There is nothing about what lays ahead between myself and Pam but a sense of being right to be together. Yet there remains certain practical issues cats and dogs back in Las Cruces and less import choices that we must work out and within there is this peace I cannot believe of me or us.

Caught between tears of joy and laughter I write these words because I want to remember this time and confident sense having passed Audition Number Three, or is it Four? How many ahead?

It seems we are a we and there remains only the details about how to affect the closure behind and forge ahead to whatever will be with us for the foreseeable future. The ship of us rooting into the seas to come joyfully.

130527 03:23

Between myth metaphor simile and myself / the effort goes forward upward through a van obvious cyclonic / drawn for now shrouded in the Moose Rivers constant rushing and fog. She sleeping amongst two dogs and a damp sweaty vacancy from which I fled feed with dreams now vaporous. What remains, obvious, that soon or late I will return beloved. Still joking about the next Audition. Love’s laughter and lust slaked yet again. 

“All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.” ~ Arthur Schopenhauer

No small crime this suggesting that you read if nothing else – as I – the ruin and runes of your heart as well as those of others more famous. Watching the gyre—ruins returned to embodiment. 

Neither madness or silliness I am stunned to silence with awe this date these quotes on Wikipedia. Embraced swallowed whole within the belly of a boa looking like a thin brimmed hat with a high crown myself inside laughing in joy! Crescendo the sense I am not to quote you quotes or explain my sense of them but merely to attempt to say in my own words what they imply to me. Imparting to you the desire to build not destroy. To love not kill a forms of life not regarding their esthetic value or what culture tells you is good and whole but what is itself like everything that concerns me a portent of good. What is not subject to corruption lasting far beyond our meager lives.

Each of us sentient is a crystal refracting meaning unique to us seeking concurrence contemporaneously with the life force of our home this planet which for me at times is God but as God always more than I can embrace. 

By meter or rhyme I am poverty stricken when it comes to poetry but of a poetic sense/aesthetic I become, daily, more aware. And for one I refuse to allow we the people to succumb to images inarticulate seduced. Mikey seems to indicate we eat our own cereal the substance of our origin and future to digest. 

What folly to ignore the song of your heart deafened by noise and dilutions/delusions?

04:41

Dawn slowly looms loving the metaphor for both the tapestry and dawn to come. Birds sing in chorus day break. The Presence is continual whether dark or light or in-between and eternity in a heart beat as dead meat the soul fled. Tenant in life or death heaven and hell within. 

130528 EDT 00:48 

This love I live / actually a duet only now discovered / become a chorus / several like minded / who sing together a building the world anew / seen for all of us / equal and none better than another.

For her I abandon all past definition of what life was, is, become will be—future: two trees roots racing towards the core of things. Buttressed by truths transparent given as our being vows souls intertwined.  Watered by deep aquifers unquenchable.

130526 EDT 05:06 any way

© 2013 by Jack Spratt—All Rights Reserved