120618
23:29
Confessions:
or Oh
Jesus where are you when we need you & Lord Acton?
I
have always been fascinated by divination especially numbers.
Regarding periodicity: times of awakening; seasons cycles of the moon
& solstice; on and on. By this measure I discovered awakening
annually at Easter and dying at Advent with that long dark period
relieved only by Epiphany; an experiential otherwise psychic,
allegorical, 'death' between.
Seasonal
Affect?
Maybe
– maybe not.
Possibly
It seems to have evaporated since moving South and West. Remarkably
so in New Mexico. Something primal, not atavistic, before time was
created; a sense of resources beyond definition.
And
Yes.
Oh
YES.
Enchanting.
Of
course.
Enchantment
the land itself.
Then
too, discovered, what was only hinted at during all the years from
birth leading to hospice service: a lust for all women, all ages,
decidedly hetero not homo, but not exclusively sexual in attraction
either. A seeing the generation of them from back to front, crone to
infant and lubricious teen in heat. Another way of articulating the
same issue would be to express it as a hard-on for equality?
And
with age, at Jung's suggestion, the boundaries between genders blur
returning to our minor gender differences as in childhood. The
unknown at conception.
Again,
with Jung's description, or conjecture, I've begun to sense in my –
quintessentially bliss filled solitude – a balance between
female/male identity desirable in my model of wholeness/holiness is
as Jesus 1st as man not God. Fully rooted in my time all
Prophets of The Numinous become nearly equal or equivalent. Always
personal seeming of equal grandeur. About whom I sometimes, in some
cases, just for the fun of it say: “The What, That Which, The Who,
The ALL. To whom or what I submit my self soul consciousness . . .
what I live and die for. The whole why of anything&everything. .
. The always Other: of many many names.
To
finish the thought beginning this string, it seems that the wholeness
of Jesus was equally present in others before during and after and
still is right now.
Possibly
pompous, supercilious, pretentious and superfluous. Exactly what I
adore/despise in politicians . . . If I may be so bold it seems now
so close this death I will actually die. . . .That I wick the genius
of God in all things and people. & I would call no person evil or
lacking the Holy.
Being
a White Boy, nominally religious, once-a-Protestant, in love with
God, who grew to a modicum of maturity in two differing places –
one humble the other obscenely pretentious -- I represent a unique
witness concocting a weird vision/version of life in this America or
These United States Of and/or upon a contiguous land mass
artificially divided by boundaries meaning nothing to me stretching
from pole to pole . . . astonishing really.
And
for now here astraddle the spine of creation primaeval before the
before of BCE the Man, the soul, the Self whom I have adored since
dropping from my mothers womb, maybe even before that laborious
delivery some fifty-eight-hours in dry delivery. So she said when I
asked. The BC AD or is it AC/DC? Who knows it seems now all so
arbitrary being there really is no time in God.
The
ideal of Him as Prophet adored or at the very least accounted for in
most of the world except the many who predated Him like Buddha and
Confucius. For the what whom I would argue auguring arguing, all
three apparently, of course, into the whatever shallow depths of my
psyche would speculate and conjecture that it was the consciousness
of God and not being the Actual Factual Reality or Realization that
we call 'god' manifest.
But
that was then this is now.
I
really love playing in this sandbox with God receiving “Love Notes”
from Him/Her implied/inferred or expressed through others of any
gender or gender proclivities colors creeds yada
yada yada blah
blah blah -- daba do/dodo across all time before language was a
glimmer in God's eyes. See: They’re
no good, the lot of them—Yaddeyahdah—They're
animals!
—Lenny Bruce
Where
was I?
Oh
yeah.
Yes.
The model presented either by The Meyers-Briggs or The Enneagram
suggests that Jesus was/is perfectly equal in: Thinking, Intuition,
Sensing, Feeling. In no particular order or hierarchy = wholeness,
integration or what we deem 'Holiness' period. Just to be transparent
I mashup those qualities in equal measure with mercy, kindness,
empathy and on and on = infinity.
How
in Heavens Name did we get to destroying all life?
And
the fecal headed/minded, or merely scatocephalic, members having
congress with themselves and their pimp patron/sponsors; have managed
to cripple the only real free venue and forum of education available
to all the people of the world – THE INTERNET -- for the benefit of
merchants of the new pornography: violence. Or merely: “Might is
right”
What
is that really like for me?
It
would be a middle aged white mother driving an gigantic sized vanity
mobile, merely a ¾ ton truck called a Sports Utility Vehicle, making
me a quadriplegic while driving and texting or maybe sexting on her
way to get new batteries for her vibrator . . . Somewhat akin to a
Vietnam helicopter pilot I know of, not well but about, who leg and
armless since the grand in vain and vanity event – maybe why
Kennedy was assassinated because either he wanted to 'pull out'
coitus rhythm method for the Industry of not healing but exclusively
of Death or Johnson did it? Texas that grand and wonderful
secessionist inclined progenitor of weird fruits and economic
failures something in the absence of water to be sure the lunatic
fundamentalism rewriting science for their historic revisionist
pleasure. Self-fulfilling prophecies profits of "Death
is not the worst that can happen to men.”
--Plato and saying gee I'm sorry really doesn't cut it.
(a
reprise, can I teach you nothing angelic women? 'Men or man' is
generic for now for people whose souls are neither on or the other
all Angels are merely that sexless despite the promise of walking
upon the nubile breasts promised in The Koran)
If
we focus on inspiration versus conspiracy and/or give the lesser
part, maybe just ten percent dedicated to saving lives instead of
destroying them things might be a bit more pleasant in the fewer than
two hundred years left the human race. Exxon would disagree of course
what Rockefeller wrought so long ago the robber baron resurrected.
I
no longer wonder why shit head is synonymous with politician.
I
have a family of friends for whom I do not speak but in passing check
these things out of which I speak through informal polls, interviews
and/or inquisitions covert but effective nonetheless. To a person
they and or we who deal with inevitable things, namely death, think
similarly. Zero esteem for what is laughable, this carnival freak
show called Democracy, but experimentally is Free Market Socialism
for the wealthy; we pay they win. We have less they have more and
always more since they are gaming (think weird accounting and cooking
the books) this 'democracy' they are addicted to money. And in their
fancy prancing naked greed have collapsed the World Economy too.
I
actually don't care a fig or mustard seed for the political issues
I've outlined. By no means definitively. Since I've only begun to
redefine “In God We Trust”
In
any or all cases We The People need begin to govern ourselves, think
Free Will, then to collectively bargain for our freedom from tyranny.
What we have now, in my opinion, is slavery plummeting in a grocery
cart into the abyss . . . 'Make Mary/Merry, have some fruit of the
vine'? I don't think so, the hangover is terminal for all of us.
In
closing @ 06:28 I remember W. C. Fields comment on definition and
names:
“It
ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.”
.
. . I can be, at times, irreverent and rudely salacious now imagining
the unkind who occupy Washington D.C. A closed closeted retort of
vanity indifferent to reality lacking any empathy collectively
psychotic with my arrows rubber cupped quivering upon their foreheads
thinking/saying; “kill the son-of-a-bitch.” . . . but I flatter
myself as a would be sacrifice to end the World killing, I'll
probably die in old age quickly or slowly as Buddha and Mohammad did.
Definitions
matter, the difference between a vibrator and a dildo is the first is
self-propelled the latter is manual lacking any other energy than . .
. oh well swell . . . the SUV driver could equally be a guy on his
way to get another bigger rectal probe more likely with a suction cup
for wall mounting. No batteries required.
Unconscionably
rude? Yes I confess. But these people who purport to serve us are
really a flock of wankers in smoke filled back rooms having
unspeakable pleasure with our future and current tax dollars not to
mention our kids and theirs our 'enemies' mutilated by THE SCHOOL OF
TERRORISM or merely Free Market Capitalism gone completely insane
naturally.
