120625
05:13
Creativity,
finding a voice uniquely mine, previously seemed from beginning to
this near end of me so impossible. It was like drowning in a deep
stone lined well, more a grave. into which I was born or merely
excreted; existing not living there—but there nonetheless.
Then
I began to talk to myself about everything occasionally seeing the
Moon in various phases; never the Sun. Not a complaint or Bitch Moan
Wine = BMW, it was just me as I was. This figuratively is Rumi's
voice, that I hear, my choice, my adoration, one I find more then
prayerful or celebratory; a loving duet between two lovers the
beloved loving The Beloved. Each praising the other--that's what I
hear taste touch.
To
Dance is best, to sing nearly so, to pray is absolute: meditation,
contemplation, standing up in the reality of your truth
surviving--and to care giving best prayer that is to me it is.
Never
until now have I laughed and cried as much as I do. Yet in public I
can and am, at times, The Angel of Death cool analytical, take my
eyes out, indifferent apparently blind: no empathy.
This
I see looking back at how I processed the rape of me. Sexual abuse is
not exclusively penetrative but equally synonymous accomplished
absent intention or malice by extreme views beaten mindlessly into
you, me, us like a tortured puppy burned alive. . . .A kitten boiled
in tar.
To
be educated by rote is to be a pet or slave to others sense of Truth
fixed and immutable.
What
I know and experience now was self-derived. An education in how to
think and discover; not vocational not why guilt and shame crippled.
To
have Faith as I do is not exclusive for The Beloved but You equally
that you live fully alive not merely exist as I did in that well with
Jesus and Rumi & so many saints lovers and others nameless now
prophets not profit obscene.
Be
love be light be well
amen
PS
If you can't know that you are loved, and equal to holiness, whole,
know that eventually you will know at the End. & then even then
you will forgive the tautology ready to be taught that while a victim
you thought you deserved it but didn't.
When
the pupil is ready the Teacher will appear.
I
know I know it's Buddhist but the Beloved speaks through all of us.
Same message if only we listen we must eventually.
Amen
again
