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| Dad fought the war with a bassoon |
In some way I know wisdom of all time in perfect balance join woman and man in me as well as all my anguish and ecstatic throes:
Instinct, feeling, thoughts, seeing, attending, judging, accepting, yielding, beating, sensing and living the moment instead of all time conscious of life within me this biodegradable vessel soaring towards the cosmos.
. . . . in life or death from beginning to ending of all we call reality -- evolving, in flux, changing, becoming new birthed and born from itself this is the last heartbeat, breath, sight, rite of life and in death like sleep to never awake but . . . .
Should you perchance arise again accept the gift of new life virgin born innocent become the dawn not another day but alive fully conscious the gifts of all events nothing is for naught.
10:09 after washing up: No one is going to love you the Way the All does; except for yourself. Go to the nearest reflecting surface or use a compact mirror or watch crystal and see YOUR SAVIOR!
No matter how I parse Jesus, Mary, God, The Holy Spirit, Joseph and the mule -- with loving affection I see "God" in all -- YOU TOO!
"To love for the sake of being loved is human, but to love for the sake of loving is angelic."
"If one had but a single glance to give the world, one should gaze on Istanbul."
"Let us savour the swift delights of the most beautiful of our days!"
"Limited in his nature, infinite in his desires, man is a fallen god who remembers heaven."
"Peace at any price."
"Sometimes, when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated." --Alphonse de Lamartine
http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Alphonse_de_Lamartine
121021 07:25 fearful heart
Intuition indicated that my son Randy would die from his initial diagnosis with Leukemia, I began to set plans for our remaining time. Eventually purchasing a sailboat, the “Paradox,” and in moving it to rendezvous with my family where Randy was undergoing his last remission Annapolis, MD: the nearest port to The National Institute of Health. She was forty feet in length, cutter rigged an Alden designed vessel. Being unfamiliar with a vessel of that size I asked for assistance. Tom Colvin, a naval architect and friend, suggested the help of one of his young friends.
Our four or five days transit were not arduous but best remembered was the peaceful nature of this young man, whose name I no longer remember -- his face and demeanor never. His thoughts, observations, suggestions and comments are graven in my memory unlike thousands of others. When I expressed my sincere intuition that Randy was soon to die, he replied by quoting amongst the last words of Jesus upon the cross; "Oh my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me: nevertheless, not as I will, but as thou wilt."
The events described happened more than thirty-five years ago. Obviously words, phrases, poems (at least insofar as the spirit of the words--not verbatim) passages and quotes have been cocklburs in my "mindfulness" for, well, since I first hear them said--and my memory extends deeply into my infancy. e.g. Recently, recalling the dead baby pigeons (discovered at age four,) I remembered they are of the same family as Doves.
What will be--will be. This cosmos we own, owning us: we all are children of God. For some we know no fear of anything; especially death. Recently I took a neighbor to The VA Clinic in El Paso, Texas where he was attempting to retain, by counseling his apartment in our, what I consider to be Nazi Death Camp due to mis-administration: indifferent, cruel and vicious to Senior citizens. Without detailing the full narrative; in the course of our four hour sojourn together, mostly me waiting for him, I met an ninety-eight year old Hispanic Paratrooper (105 jumps) from the 101st Airborne Division who liberated a death camp similar to the one where I live.
We spoke together for nearly an hour; he seated upon a three wheeled scooter. He is now dealing with liver cancer to which I said; "Go in Peace my friend. . . .God awaits."
God's will for us collectively is a concern of mine which I have attempted, inappropriately, to address through political commentary. What will be . . . will be: possibly for all the wrong reasons. Our world as it was during my lifetime will be no more through indifference, experiential helplessness and intimidation.
During our time together going to and returning from El Paso there were several times of interest. I moved to this sleepy village, town, city (second largest in New Mexico) to escape the insanity of rush hour traffic in New York, Providence, Boston, Chicago where I needed a large population base to earn a living as a freelance photojournalist. For me to drive towards or through El Paso Texas is torture.
At a point near our objective, I being directed inadequately by my friend and neighbor, I noticed a very large vanity pickup truck on my bumper, we were traveling at somewhere around sixty plus miles and hour. I signaled a lane change the truck followed; I slowed, the truck drew nearer. I stopped. Not caring what the consequence; full well knowing my friend and I could be incinerated. Then I crept forward, still signaling, he followed more aggressively. I stopped again ready to get out and deal with whatever the driver wanted.
I have mentioned being taught to kill people with one blow as a senior in Greenwich Public High School. By an Army Ranger; gym instructor.
My point? To know yourself, you, of need, must incorporate all your feelings: not just the nice or sweet pretty ones. As Jesus said; “Love your enemies”: I could have killed or kissed him. It was not God's will that I stop, kiss or kill; but I was ready for whatever came along.
As was, is, and will remain, the paratrooper I later met and engaged in converse; blessing him with all that I've learned in seventy-two years upon this earth.
If you wonder why we are attacked, as we have and will be, it would be well for you to know yourself. All life dies but God, by any of a trillion names lives on. Remember that. I do all the time.
Be kind.
Kill no one.
Do no harm nor murder.
Best: find that fearless place within you.
121022 21:09 addendum
©2012 by Jack Spratt - All Rights Reserved
