Sought and found. A kindred soul to be a lover found, finding multiple souls eclectic. Finding mine. Yet to have and have not a single soul save mine own to inhabit. Penetrating all, discovered, the many as stars known. And to know in time the height, width, breadth and depth of all the heavens.
. . . unique, specific, explicit
Epoch or apocryphal.
I have never been fully confident or convicted of what purpose I serve or aspire to. And refuse to disown all the persona's I have been for each lends it’s own tincture to now. A point of view and definition to what I sense is beyond the seen in life or death.
I do, however, know there is an intelligence above and beyond anything detailed in those who I love, present or long dead and absent, written; sung, painted, acted or danced. A thread? No. Not an umbilical cord either. How to day it? It is, in a sense, a musical hum; infinity of course but has energy, personality and a will that we own ourselves . . . fully inhabit our capacities . . . in some sense to grow organically evolving into good for others who’s fears and terrors are so similar to mine once now long ago.
At the moment, this day unique, I sense myself inadequate the task I sense and long to inhabit having visited and revisited the boundaries often. Attempting to grown or drag the body mind and soul into fill the void.
Grief, from beginning to end, reconciled and balanced now. Still inhabits and drives me to comfort others who, by violence or attrition, are blown from safe harbor into the raging sea of chaos.
To communicate, make possible this experience, I will fail, again and again, being imperfect; the ideals and lover who loves me manifest in real and ordinary time. Free Will is indicative of neither having or not having that which leads live through it’s cycles of birth, existence and death. But, at that, it is -- this magnificence -- and invitation to create and thus become part of the evolving chorus of those who say yes to the invitation.
I still laugh at my dyslexic conclusion, the first hearing/reading: "You can hear the sound of two hands when they clap together," said Mokurai. "Now show me the sound of one hand." . . . it then meant no applause . . . now it is, in absolute silence, the laughter, love, tears and joy I hear always.
To which I, betimes, am deaf, dumb and blind. . . .being similar to a winning lottery ticket crumpled and swept as litter along with the monsoon flood flushing the cutters of life into the sewer of oblivion .
. . . 11:32
To the Golden Rule, or as Confucius would have or call it, “Silver,” I would add, not for me alone but all life; “Ask and you will receive.” Could it be only available to one whose life is bereft and in endless suffering; all material lost near unto death? Or. At least unwilling to take another breathe.
Why me? I seldom sense worthiness; being a cracked clay cup, no chalice, and yet at times in flood -- a tsunami of love -- unexpressed would drown me and dissolve the vessel; no dust remaining. . . . at least for now while my heart still beats, it is enough to attempt healing another’s grief:
"Home they brought her warrior dead."
"I hold it true, whatever befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most; 'tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
I sometimes hold it half a sin
To put in words the grief I feel;
For words, like Nature, half reveal
And half conceal the Soul within."
"Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers."
- Alfred, Lord Tennyson
121230 05:55 error
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