synchronistic events , , ,

100209 06:54
Gazing Balls & Lawn Ornaments: a visual metaphor for our inability to receive love that is real, since we don't believe we are worth it. {Please click the link below for a visual reference}
Gazing Balls were a common item decorating the homes of people to whom I delivered newspapers in my youth; along with bird baths. Later on I came to intuit that my parents were like Gazing Balls and my love fell upon their indifference to me, like rain uselessly running off.
Imagine my stunning horror when I realized that I was describing myself as well. But that occurred too late in my life to do me any good with those who, in fact and deed, did love me to the best of their capacities and ability.
My feeling was rejection and abandonment.
I do not celebrate my intransigence and self-loathing so much as note, and move forward through, the many, signs, myths and omens of my life towards a goal I cannot now fully know.
Think synchronistic events.
Healing others was suggested to me by a friend, who in fact had saved my life from suicide. . . . essentially making available a reason not to internally--within myself. The suggestion then became a bewildering challenge to understand how, and by what mode, that might happen. It was later defined as being a resource hidden within my empathy and intuition; perhaps equally though my hyper-vision developed into a near malady in childhood and a peculiar ability to witness in others their denial and indifference to themselves . . .
“The neurotic is nailed to the cross of his fiction.” --Alfred Adler
Admittedly I was neurotic until recently, in the following sense: I was constantly filled with apprehension and anxiety for all the messages I’d lived by given to me by authority beginning with my parents. These then expanding outward into society, government, religion and finally the world-at-large. In a gross generalization it was simply being told that I cannot be worth anything: “You can’t do it!”
The “YOU!” messages were deafening, and became the historical “tape” I replayed everyday.
I had no foundation of personal value to process any conflict and so retreated from everyone and everything. The experience was a kind of death and I don’t want to go there ever again. There is no need to since I have, as Carl Jung stated it;
'Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart . . . Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.'
If you inter your feelings and experiences holding you in bondage, you can find peace. To know and respect yourself is to be respected by others. And in the end you will accept and love yourself as you are and are becoming. In loving ourselves we become love for others; a source of healing; no longer part of the problems and chaos of the world.
. . . oddly I often lose my way but in being lost am found.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cloud_Gate

Who we are internally . . .

100208 06:20
I am not what I do, and have never been that, but something more like what I am now; stripped of my professional identity and join a growing population in poverty regardless of age. Some days I awake from dreams that inform me of what I might write about. In writing up my dreams, and other issues of interest/concern, I find myself self-defined and discover a new joy for life, photography and writing .
I experience, with sadness, the idleness of those who were once-upon-a-time defined by a vocation, now retired. In a profound sense many are now retired prematurely since the economy, as it was formerly defined, is now undergoing adjustment to new realities.
To pretend otherwise is impossible except for those who caused the alteration of our daily reality. Towards them I could, but refuse, to be angry even though our bankruptcy may mean that we may need the herding goats and living in found material shelters similar to those in Haiti.
The absence of anger and fear is a better measure of my wealth than my bank account. Anger and fear can own us if we allow it to, and by those reactions are we manipulated and controlled personally and collectively.

Change is the only absolute of life.

100207 06:08
Change is the only absolute of life.
However there is a place of safety and stability for us within ourselves. A place from which we can flow into the course of our times and not be destroyed through rigidity. It is immeasurable by standards institutionalized “for us” by those who purport to lead.
I live and speak from experience hard won through failure, chaos and pain. All three of which we are lead to ideally avoid.
By-and-large everything is packaged as ideal yet is, in fact and experience, delusional; all smoke & mirrors. By which we attempt to live our lives through and for. We are the State & Church not the other way around.
The days of our lives fall away and the end draws near. I have no interest in “The End Times” so much as I have concerns for our qualities ignored now. And I ask what will we leave our children? At that, I must then ask who would want to live in such a world? After all we have means and motives to render mankind extinct and have set about doing that with a vengeance.
We all have a vested interest in the present and future, yet refuse to take responsibility for it. I would have you take ownership of your inherent dignity; a wealth that cannot be worn, or displayed through any costume of badge rank or symbol. But through interaction with life and others. Your life, like mine, is mortal played out upon the stage of eternity.