091217 10:50
Anger has owned/possessed most of my life. Then it became rage against many people events, elements and factors including my parents, authority, et etcetera; including the Devil & God . . . and then myself for which I could, but refused to, be forgiven until quite recently; too late to do me much good for all the evil waste of my life and time; then & now.
I have just cause to reexamine my penchant and proclivity--other words to describe “choice”--to move in the direction of a world I wish to have life in, and one that makes love possible: to have meaning, value and being in.
My loses are, to me, enormous in costs. I am not alone in this experience since we all suffer. Example: The cost of health care raises daily yet the actual benefits diminish and people, men, women and children die . . .
“The bell tolls for” . . . me and thee--and the bell ringer.
Being curious I tend to consider the many paths I might take in my next statement.
And this, of course, drives others, especially those who seek answers from ‘fixed and immutable’ resources--let “Mikey” or “God”--take care of IT, or ME, or EVERYTHING! ‘Please we plead, implore and pray.’ Well I am conscious that I make some insane, yet others find peace in my being me.
Prayer is not a ritual activity for me. It is a process and dialog with a Personality fluid, not situational, a Being--not a thing. I love The Person of Jesus and in no small way enter Hell with Him and then am resurrected fully; what was before during and after creation by The Parent of us all. Yet I remain imperfect and grateful for being that; not bearing fully the weights that God does.
“ 21:10
Happily, I’ve waited all day to readdress reread and edit the above. Many telephone calls received, none sent, affirmed my choice to eat my pain and rage for the recent loss of $1,000 through a camera broker who broke it off in my heart.
So what?
Well I’ll just add it to the $3 million and climbing, lost in the past thirty years. Factually/actually I rather like poverty which compared to the rest of the world is wealth. Add to that, I’ve never been happier, never cried harder and where I am now is the best ever . . . lies never suited me much and they are so hard to sustain. Better yet; I’m not for sale and my attention is precious.
-- Confucius
"Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves."
“. . . Love your enemies . . .” --Jesus
. . . it takes little courage to kill but much to love --xoj
