120903 06:54 desire
Savior yourself by the absence of savor for desire or hate; for these alone will own you forever.
Once returned to the innocence of a child each moment becomes a delight fulfilled by teachers who seek your best will and within this--enough--you will be wealthy beyond any measure in life or death.
Within each day infinity is expressed/experienced as birth, life, death, resurrection and gratitude all the days celebrated cyclically. And within eternity well known no fear, no envy, no need for the love you give without expectation of acknowledgement is pure of ambition for yourself given in goodwill for the other; the thou.
This peace I give you to use inhabit and incarnate passing forward to fertile friends. Who in turn will pass forward their self ownership and though the world may disappear we will remain forever friends. Towards this remember “Intelligence is not the same thing as wisdom.”
120902 09:26 conundrum
A conundrum is this life i have and have not as lived. Well trained in abuse of all kinds, I can do nothing with the abuse of myself as elderly. Living in an elderly dedicated campus of apartments I sense myself singled out by one individual who initially seemed a friend; perhaps I exaggerate supplanting my warmth for his? In any case recently he served me with pre eviction notification, a legal and actionable document associated with me so long as I live locally dependent upon HUD augmented rental apartments.
In my current rental agreement nothing was mentioned regarding monthly inspections experienced as home invasions by one-and-all I speak with. And due to three consecutive difficulties: with income tax misattributed to me, the hacking of my Yahoo email contact list and finally his threat perceived by me as abuse. I have made radical adjustments in participation in this isolated elderly community. Add to which I now avoid his presence as the plague.
Interesting in itself but added to the theft of my perceived/anticipated due from my father's estate I am virtually destitute. But by far wealthier than most here having a modest cushion swiftly evaporating and upon need I have no alternative other than to kill myself or live on the streets disabling my writing and photography since there is no security there; sleeping under bridges. I judge no one as evil save myself for the devil of my rage and were I to act upon my rage it would be summary: his death or mine. Conceptually ending my prospect of living after death in peace but, perhaps, forced to return and try again my ideals exclusive to me -- my truth.
So I am hypocritical to myself. Yet without solicitation hear the confessions of others who feel the same way here. What to do. Indecision was formerly a fault of mine, a dysfunction, remedied by many degrees but not in kind; my assertion to defend myself against aggression. It is obvious that we as a nation kill and then ask questions; or sweep the entire issue beneath the rugs of history. I would be otherwise loving forgiving merciful towards those who have stolen all my material wealth and now in faux authority would steal my shelter. Since you are the future and I the past or nearly so I sacrifice my transparent process towards ideals most materialist consider indifferently. At the same time all too frequently imagining tearing out the spine of my half-brother or my father already passed and/or the property manger who shat upon my life. . . .Actually in my face.
I take no pleasure in publishing the simple sense I have that where I live; Las Cruces, New Mexico USA is a known capitol of violent abuse towards children, the elderly and wives. Juarez is forty miles south of this otherwise, to me, idyllic place. Meaning there have been drug gang related murders here as well.
I have been advised to keep my mouth shut and suffer in silence since all the bureaucracy is dedicated to protect the rights of those in power; not the poor. Sounds like America to me. What quacks, wattles and swims in money is that which is advocated by Ayn Rand and the now nominated Republican ticket.
Is there any prospect for justice? Not for me. Not in this life now. And for those who go "postal" a Rhode Island phrase covering manifold acts of public violence perpetrated by civilians against civilians unarmed though enough are owned to arm every man, woman, child and pets seven times over. M will kill me for this. I hope not but know her armed and dangerous when provoked.
Public Servants? They in general only serve those with sufficient funds to guaranty election or reelection double dipping from public funds and the wealth of those equally addicted to money and power. Emphatically a win/lose prospect.
Sorry I've failed you and deeply aggrieved I've failed myself. Perhaps I should be put to sleep like those habituates of bleacher seats H. L. Mencken advocated long ago and since my mantra regarding all real or imagined failures even now.
© 2012 by Jack Spratt - All Rights Reserved
