100115 03:33
Source, origin, destination . . .
it is something like falling in love or ?seeing God? for the first time, abashed to be so fortunate and ecstatic. Better yet, knowing in the marrow of your soul you are not insane.
City of the Sun, Port-au-Prince, Haiti 1984
I had broken away from the agenda of others and was standing in the in-between walls of shacks in an open sewer photographing a child in full flight towards . . . what? Home, food, school, God? I?ll never really know but know only the ecstasy of recording his head-long-flight with a camera. Later, I was told, that the images, from that oft recalled child?s enthusiasm, had been used to glean food sufficient to feed 35,000 of them for three months. And should I die at this moment I will know that I lived for something and someone other than myself.
I am a ravening beast with a camera in my hands, knowing no fear of anything, and for that I am filled with gratitude even now in retirement. And it keeps happening when I wander the desert of city streets behind buildings. And continue to be surprised and fearless the slings and arrows of those without who become my friends continuing into the ordinary of my life luminescent with grace. And now such grace as I?ve seen and been touched by is all I have left to give to you that you awaken to yourself headlong in pursuit of Love.
?To be born again? is an ongoing process, as in ?My Father?s House has many mansions . . . ? The vision, version and experience is that of residing in one of them for a time and then moving on to ever expanding horizons. It is being what I feel I was created to be. If that seems egotistical and foolish then perhaps I am to you. But to myself and God it is part of the journey towards all Truth & Love.
I destroyed and or abandoned all my life, the evidence of my wonder, wandering and evidence save for this what I now write. In each and every incidence just a hairs breath away from doing it to myself for the shame of never being that which I so admired, revered and longed to be in the lives and works of others.
There is no shame in being a great audience for the works and lives of others. Nor is it a shame to have audience with God and see the Works of Creation in process manifest in so many things; the flight of birds, the rise and set of sun, the state of another?s being in transition ignored. In this I know the Resurrection true and seek it for myself everyday. All days are holy to me. Precious without measure the treasure of them.
I am 69 miles of hard road traversed and still walking towards the ?Good night? I?ve seen in others dying in my witness, helpless was I to do otherwise. Yet their lives were never in vain since they are with the Parents of Us blest and at rest in eternity. I left parts of myself I never knew I had in Haiti and good friends too. It seems silly to make love with a camera and words now while holding that final fateful cup to the lips of Jesus dying there. Again and again we crucify our beloved God in all God?s manifestations. Incarnated in the poor. ?The poor will always be with you . . . ? I thought He meant those whose lives I witnessed until I inhabited my own poverty and embraced the leper found within.
God is a gentle lover and friend who remains patiently within all of us to be welcomed as our twin ignored. I know this now and death has no fear. No waste has been my many trashing's of self, or works, but of those I?ve left behind standing, I apologize for my leave taking, no offense was intended. Nor response required.
God?s blessing upon all of us in this our time of trials. Amen.
