rightly tightly

In myriad ways, insignificant but telling, we have forged a bond. Not yet ready to say we’re married and such, but in all intents and purposes so. Equally aware marriage, as all life truly lived, is renewed daily: or more often by needs. It follows that I am especially aware between us there are no secrets hid and with each Audition or personal step more has been revealed. Daily expanding is my sense we are joy for one another rippling outward.

There are times when she protests the rarefied air atop her pedestal but then draws me up with a hug and kiss and I’m there too! Stretching up to reach the stars.

11:06

Eating when hungry, sleeping when tired; I die and dream in my rest periods auguring, laughing and crying with the All. Boundaries between times cycle rapidly and prevision or symbolic visions become more vivid and frequent. The dreams seem best described as for all instead of me alone. Déjà vus has happened on several occasions and while looking up the word (spell and definition) I am sad to realize it equally used to describe boredom. Instead I recoil at the realization I may have envisioned her world by conversation long distance.

In play: I doubt that I will return to Las Cruces NM. Leaving behind the life I there, except for M, nothing of sufficient value to move being less in value than the cost to do so. In a sense, in a way, it is dying and being reborn. The essentials sharply drawn and refocused as highest values; what I brought with me and myself of course. Annie, my rescue cat companion is obviously important to me and we’re making arrangements for her here. I have been in similar circumstances before. In writing the sentence I recognized the exile to my Grandmothers for the summer school vacations and many other leavings. Significant now, this move is similar, in that I am leaving behind reference materials. Equipment, computers, printers etc., some in unopened boxes. Conjecture and/or intentions never inhabited. Roads not taken, forgotten and/or neglected for this, my greatest joy, writing.

Typical of me to work things out via journal keeping.

15:51

Awoke from the far side of midnight in time to have those two dogs sleeping upon, around, beside me arise and bark in chorus with neighborhood dogs. Aware there is similarity between M & P both are lovely, kind, loving, generous and attuned to animals like this who writes.

Within dreamless sleep I sensed an new order born; everything in its place shipshape and . . . in this case: St. Johnsbury fashion. As close as I’ve been to death, my own and others, I’ve learned not to sweat the small stuff. Remembering an Estate Sale in New Hampshire for The New York Times, long, too long ago. Wherein a man of accomplishments, his life displayed in awards, degrees, mementos and trivial valuable to someone else: now he was gone. So as for me it is actually as if I had died and been reborn/resurrected/reincarnated mobetta. Actually: Mostbesstus.

130528 EDT 08:08 rightly tightly

© 2013 by Jack Spratt—All Rights Reserved