Disquiet agitation/an alchemical transformation/fizzing up around my mind/this hour, this day, this date long ago & the Bride-of-My-Youth
Though I am by habit one to annotate the special days of others I have no idea whether it was this day or the 24th when we were formally hitched . . . i do not believe in divorce since it is not of me or Heaven or her but of men whose laws deal exclusively in the realm of property knowing the cost but never the value of anything.
We are hours, miles & theologies apart Yet I love her unreasonably. As I did in third grade when first I laid eyes upon her -- Nothing can change that.
No one and nothing can be exclusively what I value it as -- save in the prayer wheel of my heart: a large embossed drum spun by many hands, eyes, fingers in passing, bearing many of their and my prayers: common in Tibet.
Having been touched by the Dalai Lama, his hand shaken in passing, when I did not know and value Thomas Merton whose hand he also shook. And I do now as I do my first and great love no longer know well or intimately . . . should I say sexually for we were never intimate in the profound friendship of a Dalai and a Merton. Or as I now know intimacy greater than anything save the intimacy with/for God.
She bore the children I mourn. And being their mother: of enormous value, reverence and love still. Though perceptually they remained moldering between us never intimately discussed -- conversed --dialoged about. Essential to grief with one you trust. At that, if no one, then weep with God who will heal you given sufficient time. Possibly not now, this life, but the next when we gather together in the rive of love above infinite.
In God I've become essentially celibate. Yet given his/her non accountability since the removal of one testicle and my solo demonstration that all other things remaining are operative. I believe I may or might once before dying; should I find a friend willing to grant me the pleasure of her body: I will in fact and deed fuck her. Again I beg, no, beseech you forgive my trespass since I am a common ordinary old man who still can.
I accept my sisters definition as favorable in the following sense: Fornication Under the Consent of the King. Though I could, but not now, elaborate on this and many other issues sexual. I equally prize the reference of another lover, adultery then & still: guilty but loved unreasonably said; "Don't say this 'sucks' since sucking is wonderful, divine and an exquisite joy."
Creativity is a realm of creating your Self, already given but hidden, unique and nonesuch ever before or afterward. Competition only applies with the soul/Self none other. Regarding all other things competition is good and improves the breed's ability to survive: Not Darwin's theory as misinterpreted by the greedy.
Don't be simply well but be so damn bad that all others the lame, the poor the blind will follow you anywhere even rats.
120822 0612 marriage
© 2012 by Jack Spratt All Rights Reserved
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