Caroming off yesterday? Time is of no concern when preoccupied with other priorities although I did reduce Himalayas upon and within my kitchen sink; cooking dinner. . . .e.g. for a change. Forever and more isolated alone rejected abandoned abandoning myself in reprisal. Yesterday was a refresher course reprise what happen during the Introduction to Hospice where after I fell mute for a year or so apparently not the situation this time the impact was greater. Far so.
Initially three years ago or so who's counting? I fond myself a home, the first in eternity. A family and community I'd never known before and best more better yet friends other than the only and best ever M. Should I, could I say, M after Me for she made me so. And Best, The All. The Author of Everything sans organized institutionalized entities purporting to be religious? Merely business. Serving themselves so what else is new?
We are the church and temple of the Holy Spirit unnameable by the orient. By occidental only same/same transliterated an more material but that's the problem isn't it. Of governance we are the poor fucking civilians who employ politicians to keep the nation in order. I wish I were by 1/16,000th cleaver enough to have coined that phrase (US Army rank PFC) "Poor Fucking Civilian" but it was handed to me by a Sergeant instructing why and how to stand Honor Guard for the departing Commanding General of Fort Dix, New Jersey . . . as in he, The General, was being promoted/demoted on his way off base. But we are their employers they who tell us what a pain in the ass we are, how useless, we the ciphers of their gambles chips lost from whom our Social Security has been stolen to fund pork barrel reelection schemes. Funny, and odd, that nature did not cooperate; nor did the economy their calculations ended in fucking the pooch to death. . . . say 'woof!'
My point wasn't a snark attack but an entirely other more important issue. After joining the ranks of hospice volunteers I fell nightly humiliated by all I received merely for transporting a pitcher of iced water. I still am.
Making dinner I did pray in gratitude to/for the chicken cooked and dismembered and the fact that I still can stand and deliver; at my age never a sure bet. I take nothing for granted especially seeing the next dawn or M tomorrow.
After the seminar I was privileged to speak with another male, so few we are, who upon relieving him, at a field patient's home, I'd had then an abiding sense of his integrity proven again yesterday. Expected and proven by and of the women. It is odd in my history to have him as a friend and confidant.
With either or both it's not give until it hurts; it is give until the giving becomes it's own reward. At that: riches beyond counting -- memories of wealth unimaginable. . . .Those who pass and we who remain until our time at the turnstile of life. . . .more than rot decay and moldering. . . .something vastly more glorious but for now unknown. Be in life that which you wish the World to be and Heaven, or whatever, begins at your toes.
. . . i know now why i cry and laugh so when writing it makes my heart keep beating
Try to remember if you are the leader to feed your troops first, make sure they are dry and warm bedded down their socks dry and no athletes foot; always last in line until in chaos lead from the front by example. . . Otherwise expect to be fragged.
120902 20:03 ricocheted
© 2012 by Jack Spratt - All Rights Reserved
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