120723 0447 the sum of

“The sum of all sums is eternity” –Lucretius

I think my thesis that Jesus is resurrect in many differing times ways places and forms correct. And as the son of God, not God but part of the whole sum of history manifest in kindness e.g. Do No Harm

I am disinterested in intellectual pursuits, masturbatory by nature, since they are essentially pleas for acknowledgment the impoverished self thought unlovable and extreme in their judgment of others worth or unworthy to live.

From personal experience I sense the truth and presence in all relationships regardless of gender identity: male/male female/female or an elderly person with a pet. Love of any kind is long while sexual activity is at best fleeting and/or a brief glimpse the God Head. Such perception is idolatrous of definitions established long ago when there were fewer of us; 'Be fruitful and multiply'; we've multiplied too much and often becoming a cancer or virus instead of the God given value of life we've trashed it.

This lovely apple green nest, our home planet, is soon to become a ruin pocked by asteroids; otherwise potential there are so many ways, overt and covert, empowered or invoked, to dominate one ideal over another; merely competition a rush to the cemetery.

Those who have stolen life so glibly smirking will pay not by me since being human I can only see so far this eternity we live in – as a writer I could easily eat Bill Gates heart still beating between my teeth and he swooning hoping to die – merely for his destruction of WordStar. Only the beginning since he is emblematic if not iconic the theft of intellectual property what was my profession as a photographer. He is a pissant decadent compared to the congress of baboons who agreed to legalize greed as the rule of our fair nation once deluded into believing faithlessly “In God We Trust” what hog wash. For those few like myself think ice cream. My education derived via the World Wide Web; there are still extant a few, not yet tampered with or constrained to mute or amputate or outright censored for the benefit of – dare I say Bat Man?

The hour is evaporating for me this time beloved joy of writing anything even doggerel. Or of a few who will, if they read this, remember my praise: “Had you written the entire telephone directory the burrows of Manhattan I'd read it!” I have a promised encounter with my beloved M at water aerobics and then lunch. Though she is far kinder than I, she will cut you off at the knees if you waste her time, why do you think I refer to myself as Lurch? She will for now or forever remain nameless by her request but in fondness I often call her “my emerald eyed Sphinx” who though seldom speaking evaporating me with her proclamations teaching me the true nature of love & forgiveness versus hate & Vengeance, Inc. She being far and away well versed in both the Old & New Testaments more so than i.

"We are each of us angels with only one wing, and we can only fly by embracing one another." --Lucretius

Be well & do no harm

Faith is experience

Belief is allowing someone else to tell you what to think

© 2012 by Jack Spratt All Rights Reserved

120722 2238 apprehension

Apprehension a very tense word pointed at my eyes the recognition or conviction that I will for what remains of my life be celibate

in recognition I sense I've shattered my sword placed the remains in a baptismal font and smashed my face forcefully into the shards

though I cringe at the thought never again to enter a woman's body it makes sense of all that I've discovered of myself since in reality the joy of this solitude is more than any other before or anticipated

I laugh at my for prior superlatives first reading of a book, orgasm, kiss and so on None of which compare to this moment the now being in eternity without dying to do so: Joy endless definitive and integrated what more could Heaven offer? Yet, face to face I long to know the why of the 6 & 60 million deaths? And whether the end of mercy and forgiveness the highest end of love absolute

Yet I will, by grace and the creek don't rise, be with my beloved M tomorrow who incredulously acknowledges me as few other women before; merely hinted at. Shunned as fire showering upon my self loathing and perpetual ideation of suicide

Long held: Love begins with acceptance of self wholly transparent the dark & light the breadth, width, depth and height; requites for the virgin birth of a self mindful of precious time. Immeasurable the pain of being by a grain of sand defended against the soul's suffering worth the birthing; long and arduous. A pearl pulsing pearlescent. A new star & solar system another universe beyond the beyond – extruded born of a black hole event horizon. Hyperbole? No. Simply loving myself unacceptable to others but only to God.

I a warrior trained by Ignatius not ordained Jesuit wearing the frock but by his 18^th Annotation. Flung a boomerang lofted toward the infinite starry starry night a flight never returned self defined self derived self sacrificed self motivated and answered by love notes from God: Quotes, passages, phrases, sighs and grimaces; novels of one or two words: Love, Jesus wept.

To close: Of fours mentioned here and there represent feeling, thinking, intuition, sensing what was perfectly balanced in the ideal man of Jesus add to which he being so balanced was neither woman or man but both; asexual – Read please C. G. Jung on animus/anima.

For me the number four was despicable reminding me that I was held back in the fourth grade separating me from the few friends and socialization I had. Yet upon discovery myself a four on the scale of 9 types, The Enneagram, Sufi oral tradition character definitions brought to American by Jesuits in the 1950s; I discovered it to be accurate regarding significant elemental aspects of my Self. Chief among them was a potential to, implied or inferred, help others by knowing myself.

It is not for myself that I write, though I know not how -- but why. It for healing others equally damaged by trauma, rape, slavery, abuse, abandoned, ignored and especially for those returned from war victims of Post Traumatic Shock Disorder (PTSD)

120723 03:22

Pilot asked, “are you King of the Jews?” Jesus in reply said, “I am what you say I am.”

He was

. . . in a dream I was told the truth and as a journalist willing to die finding truth at the expense of my life . . . I don't work for Mr. Murdock . . . as ever I am grateful and loyal to The Grey Lady THE NEW YORK TIMES . . . and all journalist who died before their time Amen

120722 19:27 time

I measure time by several conceptions mostly solar the seasons of the sun for I am by heart, viscera and soul a pagan and those definitions of god backward before time was a concern or consciousness measurable--nothing discernible of their passing before mine.

Winter solstice nadir of my life churning change my emotional year surviving which I know another annum is mine. I dance before bonfires howling my plea for life the sun's return and time both precious to me yet greater so is truth; like all life I have seasons, a time to be born, a time to live by whatever measure short or long and a time to die.

I sense an urgency now on rushing my seventy-second-year coupled with a feeling, more a conviction, an apprehension that while intercourse is sacred to me I've not known a woman who shared my devotion such worship this celebration of life so plebeian unwashed by sanction of any kind yet why are we here standing upon the bones and souls who engendered us this species monkey amphibian or divine yet a mendicant monastic ribald covertly & sensuously erotic am I bereft a mate so inclined.

Truth be told from soul mate backwards in my time I've made love to mother, sister, playmates of the sandbox kind not centerfold. In that regard unlike still life paintings the artist is not allowed to consume the fruit normally after depiction. By my conception of myself I remain a rutting snuffling growling beast covered with hair my club laying beside me for any other competing beast seeking to eat my dove.

What is by necessity rapid the mating of mice frantic or languorous when time and circumstance allows followed by orgasmic slumber to arise and do it all over again harder.

Ardor in time ebbs finding myself barefoot upon the sands of an hourglass headed for oblivion. I realize that celibacy has it own rewards. The peace of solitude comes to mind. In innocent guile sallying forth to public congress making love to souls oblivious my coupling with their minds gamed hearts sole reward slowly ticking towards the final and fatal tock.

In gratitude for M & Isis the best hours of joy I've ever known brightening the new year longer by day afterward then the third longer again;

Love, Osiris

© 2012 by Jack Spratt All Rights Reserved

--Ambrose Bierce

BABE or BABY, n. A misshapen creature of no particular age, sex, or

condition, chiefly remarkable for the violence of the sympathies and

antipathies it excites in others, itself without sentiment or emotion.

There have been famous babes; for example, little Moses, from whose

adventure in the bulrushes the Egyptian hierophants of seven centuries

before doubtless derived their idle tale of the child Osiris being

preserved on a floating lotus leaf.

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

120722 08:55 I'm a whore

I'm a whore for words & logic; here for the use and abuse of anyone with the fare to rent me by hour, day or lifetime.

What I'm about to say is horrific even to me. For your freedom I'd do or say anything not because God said so but look closely at the fine print in your contract issued at birth: This Magical eventually Adult Amusement Park Fantasy Tour; look for the clause that details death & Free Will . . . the hard part in small print is the details.

Everything we think do or consume has consequent cause and effect rippling outward into infinity; even sticking your head up your ass in terror awaiting the nightmare this hell we live in to disappear. We are all donuts you see as defined by Quantum Physics what goes in either end hopefully maybe always will come out. God has no hands no mouth no arms no feet is sexy but in an asexual way only we get to practice making babies for our pleasure. Do you think the Holy One cares sticky sheets or keyboards? Get a life and live it dying in the grace of love and forgiveness including yourself on the laundry list. God is not an idol nor was Jesus, Buddha and so on etc. Bobble heads to glow in the dark on the dashboard of your conveyance or convenience whether a fuelish Sports Utility Behemoth covered in the skin of good Islamic or Christian children bad enough for Nazi cars but in your case its brain's, blood, vomit eternal miladies unimaginable no hands flippers instead holes in their heads drilled by your neighbor who doesn't like your definition of God.

When we create lovingly anything of all the possible directions we can go. Think not of art or who will pay the highest price but the peace and tranquility of sewing a patch on your child's dungarees or transforming raw food into nourishment or making a child or merely touching another as friend in peace and love.

I am not a nice person whatever that vacuous word – nice ­-- means to you. I am not even nice to myself and I know nice for what it is and is not.

In a profound sense I fling my first born into the midnight well hearing no splash. Looking downward by the aid of a full moon I don't even see the bubbles of my child downing, just still placid water mirroring my silhouette . . . you know writing a journal is self vivisection . . . and in horror not only for my son and two daughters gone but that brief moment when I told my Great Mother Mamalu laying in a hospital bed I thought dying attributable to a failed pace maker – needing a battery – that I'd become Episcopalian too Catholic by half judging by what she'd said during our lifetime before. She was pleased?!?! When I got over being overwhelmed I asked what her favorite Bible phrase was: Gospel of John 3:16 “God gave his only begotten son . . . ”

. . . for what crime did he die that we should enjoin continual murder to prove what?

More ___________________ name it, claim it, for what are you willing to live and and die for?

Good, Better, Best works only for merchants of death.

Previous or last lunch with M; time that precious and willing to accept at our or any age the preciousness of time. I'd confessed a desire to make love with a woman once before I die . . . not looking for candidates -- just a statement of truth . . . she said; “Yes that's good.”

If I could be for anyone or other or all what she is now to me given all the love we make in public over plastic tables . . . I'd remain celibate.

Love is what we give not what we take and of such love did Jesus die.

Let it be that such love lives in thee. Neither God nor I do revisions of history but ask and be forgiven and redeemed. . . it is love's truth

Slang cuss swear rap hip hop all poetry too or as well who knew Maya Angelou thinks William Shakespeare was a black woman 2 I adore them both James Baldwin why I write.

PS http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fuelish

© 2012 by Jack Spratt All Rights Reserved

120722 0511 lemmings

My mind reading

a small skipping stone

hurled across the vast still pond

a universe twirling seeming still a pond

at night all the stars plankton glowing curiosity

hurled the stone of me seeking the who of God why

death where of You & why oh why do I accelerate in the

stillness of your belly never slowing of entropy accelerating and fracturing into more plankton stars

None of us were ever born to be slaves the stars of our pearls gobbled by pigs and goats who'll eat anything to fill their emptiness

Lick my Library Card knowing me digestible only by the teacher of me mating asexually the knowing of the making of you the who is beyond knowing my daily bread not stones above my head in Arlington seeing always the wrong side of the grass a knowing the only ending story the end of war and finally fatally falling upon the head stone of Emily of Amherst of Dickinson knowing of Rumi not beware the final fatal audience with The Lion of God

What woman could bear my laughing out loud crying sighing screaming shouting glowing levitated in the looming pearlescent predawn when I stop breathing for a time maybe forever the interstice between life and origin and end infinitesimal who will I be next time

All dialog seems about for or against something but seldom is in itself just is or is about itself

The function of journal keeping is to hear and love yourself finding threads backwards and forwards to infinity . . . in a sense to become the sovereign self you were created to be. Of course I mean The Creator of Everything . . . yes . . . you and me and all of us conscious that we belong to one another of us without recompense no gratuity required. The genius of god is within and only pain as small as a mustard seed or grain of sand can begin the formation of the Pearl inherent in all: many songs stories poems to the one Audience who in thanksgiving replies in one voice speaking in many tongues not babble but love. Only fear drives love into vengeance and judgment like pigs and goats eating everything compelled like lemmings to leap into the abyss never caught using us instead of themselves as surrogates.

Serve not emperors self proclaimed naked empty egos prancing about obscenely Serve the servant of we small kings and queens who in serving us pours out the holy grail for us. Pass forward the loving cup of yourself and be eternally filled with love stupid . . . as in keep it simple stupid.

I think the resurrection is within all of us who in giving virgin birth to our self/soul/consciousness can become part of the solution not the problem

remember the Buddhist sacrifice themselves by fire to protest the rape of their divinity To close I entered rest last night wondering had I known the death of my children impossible of course would I do again? Yes. For them for God for us life is for the living and the dead know God better than I until in death I meet face to face love not vengeance.

07:52 pause for breakfast

Different perspective same issues different facets. In essence what I suggest is not for everyone this self birth incarnating your true self. The true self can only be known and defined by you: sovereignty.

It is a process unlike Mr. Romney's lies about jobs, political lies and no speak. The man for the job is in place and should no longer be discriminated against for his race or possible choice how to define or ignore God nor for his non-participation the the school of that most obscene thing for becoming a professional politician.

There are many who call themselves democratic who are in reality autocratic in the following sense while guaranteeing themselves freedom from concern for income, giving themselves raises in a time of economic collapse, lifetime health care of the best available denying it to those they purport/pretend to represent while taking massive amounts of money from those who profit hugely no longer suggesting but dictating policy which we pay for with not only tax dollars but our lives and souls . . . the entire incorporation as we know it is based upon the 14^th Amendment intended to keep free the slaves by sophistry became the ability to enslave us . . . I could argue either point of view.

I remain angry that a teacher told me, “there are certain things I cannot teach by your parents and politician's choice” before that epiphany I had argued the side of selfishness.

I am not the Messiah we are.

I wish I knew how to write not just why. This being a witness to our time never really worked for me while witnessing and/or carrying those dying dead in my arms or dragging them out of harms way. A flabby saggy clown I am and laughter is my best birth defect.

© 2012 by Jack Spratt All Rights Reserved

120721 16:07 Naomi Judd

Grace has touched me in many ways and the humiliating part is that instead of desiring their company, once or many times, 'in bed or congress', the women I've known know me better for my interest in their minds and souls. That is if they remember me at all – not desired; a near terminal desire to be forgotten.

I remain in awe of the fluid nature of women versus the rigidity of men and by this not woman’s lubricity and man’s erections but their ability to beguile in costume or the absence of grooming.

A brief aside regarding the best friend of my life unrecognized until his absence my biological father who said; “imagine her taking a shit.” Regarding my waxing poetic about one or more or many towards whom I referred not in lust be merely admiration for their beauty for which obviously I have a fatal attraction.

That said, as a reviewer of books, mostly photographic, Jacques Henri Lartigue remains one of my (ATF) All Time Favorites since he photographed mostly his family intimately. She was I believe one of his cousins who ginning joyously enthroned upon porcelain her ball gown raised above knees clutched decorously celebrating his attention exactly as dad had proposed/suggested.

I have yet to understand my vision of people. At times, as with Randy, my intuition of his death, he asleep in his mothers arms, pieta like, what I once saw in a dream floating in the void of blackest space. And not he, Randy & Mother, alone but several or many times less memorable and/or terrifying in others. I am accustomed to seeing the child in the crone and visaversa I can hardly be accused of child molestation or even imagining such a thing yet I sense that a growing number of people would like me dead. If so I can assure them that I am legion merely a graduate from being beaten nearly so.

Exactly how or why I sat having lunch with Naomi Judd escapes me now. The conversation, most memorable in detail and intimacy, never. Not simply for her astonishing beauty but her kindness and grace as I told her of my heritage—not the abuse but our common experience of poverty in Kentucky where mom & my daughter Jahna are buried; each of us have part of our hearts there.

Of Ashley, another beauty I admire for her grit, acting and friendship with Morgan Freeman who I have for long remembered as a cast member I photographed at Brown University in a play regarding the Revolutionary War. Never contacted him to affirm or deny. Astonished am I the wonderful people I've been exposed to. Neither Ashley or Morgan only by their acting known.

Am I name dropping?

No.

I am attempting to illustrate the depths possible in all of us who seek the soul of a person and not their celebrity which like beauty passes with time but the soul remains ever glorious those who give I admire and those who take I ignore.

Photography drew me away from the isolation of painting, sculpture and music socializing me to an extraordinary extent. I am more blest than I can remember at times.

In closing just noticed Mr. Freeman gave $1 million to pro-Obama Super PAC. I was once a constituent of the president in Illinois and sent him $50.00 which I could then ill afford and now lacking anything more than pinto beans to donate; I will mention that I have a friend who knew him in Chicago during his neighborhood organization days – he can have my life if he needs it otherwise I'll ignore Milt Romney as the fraud he is. . . . tithe to Mormon's while raping the rest of us.

I know the heart of darkness when I see it.

© 2012 by Jack Spratt All Rights Reserved

120721 10:39 accelerator

The Creator of Everything most often spoken of as “God”, 2^nd title or honorific, “Father”, really never worked for me. The deeper I plunge into the fetid and sometimes glorious waters of my psyche I discovered that I never really had a Father/Dad but a friend who I presume by myth and experience and imagining I choose to be my dad. There are various 'myths' about what happens when die and the greatest of them regards Jesus = The Resurrection. The second 'myth' is reincarnation about which I sense both are not only possible but doable by “God” of course. Jesus was destroyed, at least his body then, by the ruling authorities – I don't want to break this stream of thought so won't to give verifiable attribution so LOOK IT UP! I don't like thinkers who flog theology – especially those who deny the innate divinity of all mankind especially women.

The people who flimflammed the crucifixion were Teachers and Lawyers keepers of the then known or knowable “truth”. It could very well be that the prophecies describing His ascendancy – please follow me closely here – were, with good intention, manipulated to excuse their crime. If I am more Jewish than Christian it is because in a dream my mouth was branded with the Jerusalem = The City of Peace, not. Cross I don't have an illustration so I'll describe it: one large central cross surrounded by four smaller: cardinal points of the compass; the four principal Gospels and the number four is the principal symbol of completion – or why Jung was so excited by the divinity or elevation of The Virgin Mary to the Godhead no longer three but four . . .

I have learned that the act of writing, at least for me, is best exercised by walking away dong menial tasks and returning with a refreshed point of view. What and why I write is not from my ego but for us . . .

--Daniel Webster

"Human beings will generally exercise power when they can get it, and they will exercise it most undoubtedly in popular governments under pretense of public safety."

"Justice, sir, is the great interest of man on earth. It is the ligament which holds civilized beings and civilized nations together."

"Let us never forget that the cultivation of the earth is the most important labor of man. When tillage begins, other arts follow. The farmers, therefore, are the founders of civilization."

. . . We the people of the world none so grand as those who pretend to defend our rights are being herded like lemmings to the intentions of our representatives who kiss our babies and posteriors when they want to pretend the need us to get elected then kiss the ass of those who pay for their election/reelection. Thus we are never represented but actually controlled by a few who steal our lives for their pleasure. Think dominance and submission to demigods, or, sadist and masochist . . . think what you must or will this is my sense of the situation and the cause of the failure of our world economy. My thesis is that addiction to power is more not enough never enough for the identity of people who fear staving to death; their ego.

I am concerned not for myself but you individually. The methodology works: all are called but few respond and to those who do respond more is given and in giving away the power of whatever you define “God” to be most certainly not the ability to do harm. More & more is given – peace and grace.

I like goats they're fun to play with but not to give the justice implicit in Mr. Websters quotes above.

e.g. We, according to my friend Walt Whitford, a retired biology professor, receiving, in friendship from former students, information from employees of the Environmental Protection Agency their being fired or pink slipped and their laboratories either underfunded or closed. Add to which according to him we are 3 Billion People and growing over capacity of the world's ability to sustain.

Do you enjoy tuna fish? They will soon be fished to extinction in possibly the next decade, the sea dead in two or three. Add to which we as a Nation have the most arable land largest supply of potable water in the world – Russia, China and India given their population are our next probable problem while our population dwindles theirs multiplies like cancer. They and Saudi Arabia and Exxon own us due to our dependence upon petroleum.

I don't believe God will intervene the extinction of mankind since in faith God gave us Free Will . . . have a nice life. The only constant is change to conserve the planet and population must be addressed. Please pray for us as the family of mankind . . . woman kind.

What I am concerned about is mass suicide and am not seditious regardless of the conservative posture of selfishness institutionalized by law. God is not a predator we are.

To close: I am nothing: not Christian or Jew or Buddhist or Doaist or Muslim or whatever ism you follow or idolize. Jesus was a pain in the sit down and remains a revolutionary. I'm tired of dodging Sports Utility Vehicles driven by people talking, texting or sexting on cellular telephones; merely the unconscionable rudeness of the arrogant and wana-pretend wealthy . . . emblematic of all institutions who kill more but never enough people. To keep a sustainable balance for us to live within. Love is not reproduction but friendship.

--Martin Luther King Jr., Dr.

"A man who won't die for something is not fit to live."

"America, the richest and most powerful nation in the world, can well lead the way in this revolution of values. There is nothing, except a tragic death wish, to prevent us from reordering our priorities,"

Happy 15^th Maddy with whom I am quite madly in love; sorry girl I didn't leave you a better world to live in.

© 2012 by Jack Spratt All Rights Reserved