Discovery: Life at seventy-two has become an ongoing journey of discovery: what is irrelevant and relevant? Yet in my statement of observation and intent I realize, that unlike my father, I have no delusions about being a legend in my own esteem/mind.
Add to which I have become conscious of what people say and do in relationship to me and how these events have become "love notes from God." And then there is M.
Like my dream of The Virgin Mary awaiting my visit to her pulsating pink quarts grotto M has changed the meaning and value of everything; not just life itself but all that is seen and unseen. More importantly the meaning of Love itself; between female and male, then all life, then the meaning of God. M specifically is the catalyst of what writes in this moment . . . & no body games M. At least not me, not now, not ever.
Like my sense of God, M seems to lack an ego, which for me is a startling revelation since all my life has been in contention with what other's think success means versus absolute autonomy. Henceforth my life the short or long of it will be to fulfill M's commission to heal broken things and people.
I awoke conscious that Annie has taken the two bedside tables for her nest, at least recently and for now upon awakening I realized how very close we are. And then or now it occurs to me that M continues to nudge me this way and that gently lending me course corrections for what is next. A cyclone in the cesspool of what life actually is, not for me of course, but for all others. Do I live for me or as I did for Randy sacrifice my ambitions affirmed by those I trust to be the best or amongst the best photojournalist alive in our time.
To witness the depravity of slavery to authority is for me impossible not to respond and I remember now that it was Fritz Eichenberg who told me of the legendary Jew who upon recognizing his fate at the overwhelming crime against humanity lowered his trousers and moon his executioner. Merely an alternative to Jesus saying "Forgive them Father for they know not what they do . . . " Or something like that, close enough for me to act upon.
Laughing I realize that instead of a null point in a hurricane, an experience I know well, I was imaging consequences public that were in reality merely personal. Whether we define this between us, dear reader, if you are there or not, it is an Epiphany, Conversion, Being Born Again or what I've fondly come to call Extrusion. And again I am reminded of my 'spiritual/intellectual' dyslexia. Thinking now of the scripture--again approximate not precise--worry about nothing God will provide. And How!
My story is boring to me, common place, and my desire is for you to love yourself and your life: all of it!
And for this there is no humiliation or death that I would avoid in fear that your life like mine be a full banquet of love. For having crossed the boundary between fear and peace the fear no longer is attractive or possible.
It is true of me, regardless this horny old goat, to see the nature and personality of Jesus the Savior in all women more readily than men; and so it follows that I am more a champion/advocate of women then men--or myself. . . .If Mary taught me nothing else she taught me to see Herself in all women first and then the feminine component in men last.
Like Mary I could tell or teach many things derived from my life as lived no longer caring when or how it ends. Yet it seems incumbent upon me to make available you to yourself. Love is the Providence of that which falling like a mist becomes a tsunami of love for God for Life for all others including the man and the woman who most recently belabored me with their discomfort at my life it self.
Metaphorically it is simple: connect the dots; child's play, and thank God for my childhood now. Imagine please that the Starry, Starry night above you, more visible in the Land of Enchantment, with all the stars brightly visible is a map or descriptive of a journey towards which you should be impelled since the dome and all surrounding you is available the map of love.
You & me. We give others the union we must have within ourselves. Thus the ruin of marriage surrounding us. Laughing again! I realize that so few read me I shouldn't care a fig or a mustard seed about what I've written the consequences of. What we create, whether a Sistine Chapel ceiling or dinner for three or knit a scarf or fabricate a quilt is part of the Creation of conscious life. No. I am not oblivious to the creation of a child being divine and not salacious. Or even the love between same genders since it is love itself that we seek amongst us living vital and present.
To have had Randy was enough in its brevity, the association, that knowing the ending I'd do it all over again for the Love he gave me in the end. So too with Jodi and so too with Jesus and for the love of you, Jesus, Mary and God as the Holy Spirit knowing not the ending but loving both the life and ending would do that too; all over again and again until we, all of us, get it correctly. The need to participate in Creation . . . and the creation of yourself is the greatest accomplishment know to God.
Laughter!
How do I know this?
Because God told me!
Vanity of vanities is going to the moon, just a hop skip and a jump, but going within we discover so much father than objectives being subjects of love infinite.
I mourn for those caught in the crossfire, this civil war between those who have and those who have not. And in God's love am compelled to address and if possible heal the breach between the two states of consciousness. One smug and complacent the other frantic for meaning and value exorcised violence and chaos. Like God, alone, none of us can to it alone. Yet like God we must collaborate on the meaning and value of life itself otherwise there will be no future generation or habitation for us.
I have a peace that surpasses all understanding and a value immensurable since I have sought to reconcile myself with chaos. It is not what I am for or against but merely what I am as lead to be.
To close; that which is never ending, the story of love . . . I asked God to be real and then later on began to sense we must grow our hearts large enough to receive. And given the Love of God from God; to lend free of usury to all others the hospitality of love itself. The journey as defined by Lao Tzu is begun at the point of departure the ground beneath our feet -- grow where you are planted while loving cosmically.
121002 04:00 discovery
©2012 by Jack Spratt - All Rights Reserved
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