. . . making life and love unconditional, available, freely given is miserable

091222 00:39
To a much beloved friend I send birthday greetings and thanksgiving for saving my life.
She, first stunned me with the suggestion that I could heal {others?}. Then she left me to stew in bewilderment--nice metaphor--I fell, at times, to feel as though I were the pebble in David’s sling about to be hurled--where!?--certainly not towards GOLIATH’S eye?!
The enormity of mental illness, as annotated in my eulogy for Mary Kroeger (last entry)  is a burden that I bear now lightly. For beyond, behind or beneath, she who healed me, is a resource available to everyone.
I am tempted to resort to my irreverent lack of solemnity in The Presence of The Author of Life. For which I now discern I was hurled off, or out, of Care2.com’s social site.
If i be steel, then I am smelted, reformed between the hammer and anvil of Truth. My bigotry and hypocrisy beaten out. Every humiliation, pain, sorrow and depression was transformed into tutelage; a gift.
There are several, now amusing, mythologies associated with the date, time and place of my birth: The Phoenix for example. She suggested that I could, “put in a change order.” The women and men of my attention are victims of no one, and no thing; not even God.
My first question, of myself, and anyone longing, or purporting, to feed the hungry, free the slaves and bring sanity to the insane, is simply this. Why would a person of such obvious gifts as Jesus, serve the humble in humility?
Love is the greatest power, and force, to ever gently caress us, from beginning to end/endless.
Least you go too far awry, with that too oft molested four letter word, let me define my sense of it. We own nothing in life. We are tenants and God the Landlord. Love between humans and God is more like that of a beloved child with a kind and loving Parent: friendship. Many benefits, but guess who has the power of veto.
Please think: consequence and responsibility. Add. We are here for a very brief time and our history of making life and love unconditional, available, freely given is miserable. Then add, the fertile vineyard we service and prune was here long before we came along.
I am not here to debate theology, politics or any systemic construct about God but merely dedicate, whatever is left of, my life to healing Mary Kroeger so like myself, that she need not sweep the crumbs off the table into her pocket book.
Thesis--not theology: we need to negotiate what makes life possible instead of impossible.
Death is an end, but love endless.
Without resurrection of He who died that we no longer live in fear: my ‘self’, my life, and everything I touch, do or say, is pointless drivel. Do no harm.