Unless
you are a student of people, versus a voyeur, we would seem ordinary
people enveloped in an extraordinary bond as friends.
He
said; “I think we are going to be fabulous friends!” This was
after I had spoken in a meeting of Adult Children of Alcoholics.
And
so we are: Mentor/Mentee, teacher/student become friends. And he,
like M, are two trustworthy people I can call at any hour, day or
night, for a 'reality check.' While standing upon the crumbling cliff
of suicide, or other matters of lesser extremes.
I
betray myself for I have not had such a relationship with the several
friends and peers who took their lives, or died by disease, or
accident, before I began this long journey from darkness into the
light.
Surprising!
This spooling out cobwebs of words finding oneself naked and real;
loving and loved. Especially when I consider that I never listened to
my heart before the beginning of keeping a journal. And, obvious now,
between secrets and agony so profound it seemed a poison to speak I
refused to even listen to myself.
She,
M, said yes to my request that we have coffee after cardiac rehab. So
began not only the saving of my life—i was suicidal at that
point---but making a life possible for me. Transcendent; no longer
fearful to live or die. There seems no parenthetical boundaries to
describe or enclose love for another as the best for them.
130423
03:33
“It
is customary these days to ignore what should be done in favor of
what pleases us.” - Plautus
At
lunch yesterday – M seems to favor public places curiously –
surrounded by young men and women attentive to electronic devices,
instead of one another, we swapped anecdotes indicative of the
criminal consequences. The Plautus quote I discovered as I am now
want to do, at times bouncing between my thoughts and the thoughts of
others. Or should I say weaving? Conscious, now, of my firm attention
to serendipity, or synchronicity; vastly more frequent now. Could be
merely coincidence? These collisions between concerns and potential
answers; but not divination as a magic trick. We, all of human kind,
use so little of our minds otherwise endlessly seeking pleasure
instead of joy.
Sleeping
as a wolf, or, sleeping when tired, I returned to rest and dreamed
again of resources from childhood. Which, in truth, was not entirely
bad. Mother did read to me early on and I remember snatches of
stories that mystically beguiled and delighted me. Otherwise I
should have ended my life long ago.
Periodicity
has little meaning to me; suspended between a sense before and after
times measurement. Less and less daily now. Plautus predated the
common era by two hundred years. Again and again I return to the
collective consciousness I sense common to all ages, races, creeds.
If not actual at least potential.
05:33
Would
I be a savior, or champion, of women? Or as we all need, both
genders, to be saviors to ourselves. I speak not of one woman but
many, all loved, in ways uncommon for themselves--WOMEN. Who seemed
to have been touched by violence; enslaved for being gentle. Kind. At
heart, or by my expectation? And they not for themselves but as
object/subject of lust; a convenience raped and soul murdered. The
rub being we all have towering within us something that is hidden;
creation stronger than destruction. Ill defined and traded away for
what? Safety? Or is it covenant, convention or delusion. Men have
never interested me. Seeing them, like my once self, as puppets to
their rage over being separated from Mother or never having one.
Courage is in neither gender but both; always potential. In too few
realized, manifest or published.
Happy
Birthday Willy Shakes! (William
Shakespeare)
"To
thine own self be true."
-
Polonius, in Hamlet
“To
find the point where hypothesis and fact meet; the delicate
equilibrium between dream and reality; the place where fantasy and
earthly things are metamorphosed into a work of art; the hour when
faith in the future becomes knowledge of the past; to lay down one’s
power for others in need; to shake off the old ordeal and get ready
for the new; to question, knowing that never can the full answer be
found; to accept uncertainties quietly, even our incomplete knowledge
of God; this is what man’s journey is about, I think.”
-
Lillian Smith
http://www.sayingsnquotes.com/quotations-by-subject/life-quotes-proverbs-sayings-32/
Beauty,
like God, is not a thing, but a feeling inside. An experience
remember
the chrysalis
thank
you Wendy Gold; creator of the globe
130422
23:02 outward appearances cellar door
©
2013 by Jack Spratt – All Rights Reserved
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