Death and loss have visited my family, friends and those others I’ve loved, so early and often I came to accept their leaving me as a matter of nature, as in the way of life, not tragic; or punishment.
Recent events have informed me that I am a take-no-prisoner dedicated person demanding that others I regard highly accept my personal standards of truth and the ferocity of my love. For a lifetime I’ve remained divided: is my aggression or assertion based upon need or gift?
Instead of asserting myself, at or near the beginning of the relationship, I have endured countless hours of boredom hearing frequently repeated issues for which I know they themselves must heal. Worse: receiving their projected rage against men in general; or specific; yet not myself. Rather than confront or hold them accountable to their self avoidance I left. But I was a boy then, now I am an emotionally sober man. Flashing across the screen of my mind were all the times I’ve run away instead of harm my beloved woman, mother, sister, wife, lover . . . I have never harmed a woman but know I can with far greater anger than appropriate. Absent I have remained loyal by choice and inclination; but in my leaving, left behind not only my furnishings and collected art output but all my reference material.
Afterward with reflection discovered I had left a piece of my heart, like leaven to animate their healing . . . or so I once thought: unconsciously. Then thinking it love, I now see aggression and trespass against their God given right in free will to remain as they will or must is what Jesus and Buddha did in leaving their former lives for the life wanting birth.
Could we, for a moment briefly say that a woman giving virgin birth might also indicate/describe her giving birth to her first child? If you accept my envisages then my thesis of giving birth to my Self is a gift in homage to the Author of All Life, Love, Value and meaning. My love for God is immutable and my faith rewarded so often and in so many ways I remain humiliated at the poverty of my soul.
This morning I awoke with a sincere and painful sense of myself; as described by someone far wiser, infinitely more compassionate and merciful than I; what Lao Tzu describes as “ . . spontaneous awareness of the Great Oneness.”
--Nostradamus
"After there is great trouble among mankind, a greater one is prepared. The great mover of the universe will renew time, rain, blood, thirst, famine, steel weapons and disease. In the heavens, a fire seen."
121003 06:44 inspired by Wm. Blake
©2012 by Jack Spratt - All Rights Reserved
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