"I keep waiting to meet a man who has more balls than I do." --Salma Hayek

Sheds water like a duck, wattles and quacks; but it is my mother who shunned my love, attempting to lend her some sense of being loved for herself. 

Lord love a duck. Lordy, oh Lordy in a G-String. Am I soo tempted to buy me a Rome Stainless Steel Gazing Ball, Silver 12" for every room in my apartment and non-existent front yard. Maybe for a hood ornament on my car; remember those?

Reminding me of "God's all seeing eye," the vision from which no secrets are kept. The hundreds of thousands young adolescent girls like Anne Frank who died in German built crematoria without notoriety. 

Or millions of nubile girls banished along with politically inconvenient parents to Gulag.

I once viewed a snapshot of mom and aunt Nina in bathing costumes standing upon the shores of the Ohio River . . . and fell to wondering why me, the egg fertilized and nearly killing her being delivered: 58 hours of dry birth, Christ Hospital, Cincinnati, Ohio at 11:59 November 8th, 1940 . . . Dad's whereabouts either unknown or never mentioned. Except approximately twenty-eight-years later when she said dad wanted her to be The Virgin Mary & A Whore?!?

Oh sweat Jesus on a BIG WHEEL racing thru rush hour traffic in Chicago, snow, sleet, freezing rain and dark of night no headlights

why me?

Jesus Christ! 

Married? 

. . . what part of gnosis do you not understand?

Sometimes I lose all control of my autonomic nervous system . . . you know! Just laughing my posterior off. Whadaya tink Gangsta rap sans violent redundancy is poetry nonetheless! YES! And YES! i have immutable confidence in the future, even if I resent being White. Not really my fault, i was born that way. Add that I will not be here to bear the consequence of unbridled reproduction; the crowds, the chaos the wars for space, water or the waste, human polluting everything; what disables ants from becoming Elephantine. 

I wish I could afford Cable TV just so I could replay what Fox TV had to say by way of infotainment regarding Jesus screwing around with women. TiVo it and reply in an endless loop. Despite the flashing thighs, high heels, tits and ass -- beauty being a prison or trap -- Love actually has no sentimentality. And the Love of God for us is objective not subjective -- no wishful thinking -- no ego, no desire, just unconditional.

I am not oblivious of Saul who became Paul and his metaphoric reference to the mirror in 1 Corinthians 13. Nor am I ignorant, or unconscious, that I place all women upon pedestals; M most of all: Imperial, enormous reverence for her resemblance to the Sphinx yet by nature, nurture and choice she remains humble the true sign of genius. Genius does not take kindly to flattery and deferential regarding the observations of any critical nature. Pro or Con. All to aware it is easy to kill instead of love anyone or anything. No one, not even God, takes kindly to being made an idol of. That is except phonies and posers; what drove me from Facebook.

Conclusion: I have not seen a gazing ball in years. They seem to have fallen out of vogue. Yet when in dialog with someone like M; a welcoming listener generous enough to attend my meandering discourse; I would use a gazing ball in the rain to describe and define my frustration at loving my parents. Never conscious of having become, superficially, like them, malevolently self-negating, addicted to avoidance and denial in all things: save material acquisition and status symbols. 

If tears, like rain, are prayer; all mine have been answered. My gratitude to God, M and all who listened is endless loyalty and faith. Each in their own way have given me 'virgin' birth. I suggest in closing that you seek your own.

“When there is no more separation between 'this' and 'that,' it is called the still-point of the Tao. At the still point in the center of the circle one can see the infinite in all things.” --Chuang Tzu circa 350 B.C.

"Only a soul full of despair can ever attain serenity and, to be in despair, you must have loved a good deal and still love the world." --Blaise Cendrars

"I keep waiting to meet a man who has more balls than I do." --Salma Hayek

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." --Billy Crystal

120925 07:44 gazing globe

© 2012 by Jack Spratt - All Rights Reserved