time means nothing to me

hours past night crept to day and back reminding me eternity awaited my choice to accept or deny to come go or remain alive eventually 

Identity mine and they who came to nurse me emerged from within the silence not amazed recalling the first extrusion some called conversion epiphany bathing in the blood of jesus the lamb 
the signs are somewhat like a brain quake or orgasm ineluctable=inevitable but nothing moves accept your mind 

In orgasm we see/sense/feel/think/experience god as if by strobe light 1/60th of a second 
In conversion the experience was longer maybe thirty six hours or so and then I excluded it since the I was, or thought I was, unworthy the attention but never forgot the experience until they ministered to me now with one testicle. About which I will confess the pain was astonishing yet suppressed in that I do not want to be possessed by anything or one. A random quote attributed to Buddha in essence said; "tend to your health for without it you will be unable to teach;" to the ER i went. 

After a goodly number attempts to assess my blood pressure the nurses began to look at me askance and called doctor after doctor who said in essence it is 210! 

Like horoscopes and other numbers, and many other things, I play the cards dealt So it meant nothing to me except they said Stroke/Cardiac Arrest. At which point I said; "Back off, do not touch me, I want a DNR=Do Not Resuscitate (me) 'thinking there is no one I can expect to honor my wish to be smothered while helpless: a vegetable'  = 'pillow solution'

The infusions began, hyperbolic=given to exaggeration for the humor in it, I jest not: gallons. 

Imbued into my flesh is a simple fact, precept, conceit in reverse: I am not this body, not this mind, these thoughts or feelings. Instead my body is inhabited by something grand which will not end with what I once called 'me.'

I favor Native American Indian spirituality especially their sense we own nothing being emigrants upon land in bodies dedicated to The Great Spirit -- what you Gringo's call 'god.' Meaning--hating to be redundant--i do not own this body and it owns me not. From far before birth until long after "i" am ashes upon the sands of New Mexico what is within me will long remain and that i love above all things . . . but . . . obviously to neither have or own. . . .To have or have not. The Great Spirit Winds move as they wish over the indifferent and the reverent.

I know how to die. When awakened am astonished this dawn another moment to live & live for Love which is within all of us equally even if only for 1/60th of a second . . . and eye blink/wink

. . . & for 4 me time to write again laughing & crying again the joy of being alive or dead in the Love of The Great Spirit moving the pinball stars above twinkling with mirth

. . . . . . . . .so when you toss a Coca Cola can out the window of your car remember you are decorating my headstone; a memento/mnemonic your passing value and expression of your indifference to love yourself and live.

Be well & Be aware that you are blest by me either way

120831 0436 what
© 2012 by Jack Spratt All Rights Reserved