Just in receipt of news from M . . . and Mary Shelly
Coincidence? i know not so!
M is at times both: the Green Emerald eyed Sphinx and, though I’ve alluded as such, or so, also a ginormous stone mule legs spraddled refusing to go or do anything . . . save for her intention. Inconvenient, difficult, obstinate of course but that’s why I love her so since she is She & beloved of me nearly so as God.
At that. How could she otherwise have endured these going on years with me wandering and wondering the desert of my mind? Or heal me as she has.
I am a reader of quotes. One time of books; addictively so. Yet in old age, lacking time, both in the present and future tense; I sense-think-intuit-feel people of such grandeur myself rendered, not merely a dust mote but, invisible.
AWESTRUCK!
. . . no longer fearful
Both women in their own way and time have healed me of dependence and expectation of anything I could anticipate. Becoming sovereign unto themselves a value higher than all previous desires or lusts. Best, both, have placed my endless grief upon the shelf of history. Not suffered but valued; both my grief and the women beloved of me.
I made a conscious dedication in view of my son’s becoming a cesspool of toxicity and expected to be blind and sterile had he lived. That I would, given the same difficulties, chose not to become such; since life for me is an issue of quality not quantity. And no one, not even God, can take my sovereign right to decide for myself to live or die or why. No Forgiveness required.
In her difficulty her choice is as mine. Should our dawn become exclusively mine, I will meet her again at another SunSon rise elsewhere in eternity. Should she predecease me I will be free of her obstinate refusal of my detailed praise or portraiture . . . until then; find your own confident friend.
120830 06:55 concord
© 2012 by Jack Spratt All Rights Reserved
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