Before time was marked by clocks or measured by anything but sense, there were our fore bearers whose children we have become by adoption reaching into our generation soon to pass. I would ask of each and every now living Self what will we give forward of our lives and times? Those who by divine design replace us.
Recently pressed face to face with my expiration date the question I pose became simpler more obvious and urgent. In this experience I realized that I was less than a dust mote in the Universe save in the sense that I choose love and forgiveness instead of retaliation.
Not why me, but why not?
Thus did arise the truth of me reflected in those who sought to save me from sterility &/or death. It is not what we get but what we give that matters to infinity. And upon close examination they accepted my choice; “don’t do anything to me without a Do Not Resuscitate edict. Which, obviously, by law they must abide.
I’ve rehearsed my death by any or many means and measures: suicide, malevolent intent, fire, drowning and so on endlessly wondering what was beyond the final boundary between life and death.
In some small sense it is my personal legacy; a self foretelling prophecy without expectation of any profit or gratitude. Simply my choice in any moment to live or die . . . to be or not to be . . . from nothing to nothing instantly.
Of the many acts of violence seen none could possibly incarnate this more than to witness the death of a child: kicked, burned, beaten, raped and cut up into little pieces to hide the crime, shame and guilt.
Possibly worse to follow the fate of a similar child disappeared for the pleasure of another whose captive they became. My thesis is that we are all Children Of God regardless of age; both the rapist and the raped. And by choice I would minister to both in any capacity within me including the rapist choice to rape and/or kill me additionally. “Fools go in where Angels fear to tread.”? I’d love to meet the author of that for an inquisition.
How could I choose otherwise? I am nothing no hero but my sacrifice, the final publication of my intention, is not without significance since it is my life to give for another, a friend who in God is ignorant of being such or so.
Instinct is generally measured in simple terms: Flight or Fight. It follows that my “fight” is for both. A gesture and vote that there be love in the world . . . coupled with mercy, thanksgiving for the opportunity to be not greed, hate and avarice.
My life is no longer filled with resentment towards those who took my children, my wife, home, pets, cars or anything measurable since true wealth is fearless; the Self who knows what is enough.
And by this self definition do I depart from fear & the World as I would have it loving and accepting all that is given. I have struggled long enough to ride the dragon of my rage, knowing myself too well, it is easier to kill than love.
Two deaths never made a whole life possible. God doesn’t do revisions but is humble, wise, slow to anger -- does not preclude anger absolute -- merciful and forgiving -- YES!
Before the Judge I will be both foolish & wise, humiliated and humbled, this dust mote in time.
© 2012 by Jack Spratt All Rights Reserved
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