Jack Spratt

120805 07:13 those I’ve loved
Of those I’ve loved most in retrospect seemed a reprise of Mom & Dad; stoic silent incapable of love for me or themselves. And so it follows I ran away oblivious of why. My fight to express my love made no impression.

But then I was a child empty inside and my plea for their love impossible since they loved not themselves just as I came to despise myself.

Of the several ideals regarding love published in The Bible, both books. Something I know not well but carry the thorns of their intention forward to dissolve in my tears or the moisture of my silent mouth. It is said that true love is to die for your friend. Since in God I recognize all as friends I became confused but never indifferent. When I am told I am inconvenient or simply a fool there are within me limits to my loyalty. I never struck a lover for any reason and know well the devil or evil within me potential to kill instead of love. I left.

Over time I’ve been held by gaze, arms or attention by love so real I could not then recognize or receive it. So caught up with the effort to transform stone into life, impossible, but worse not in my job description. And worst than that irreverent of their, the beloved of mine, to be exactly as they wished to be.

Could it be that they were actually my enemy of myself the cause of catastrophe?

As mentioned love is difficult and takes work without promise of desired results. Best engaged innocently without prejudice toward a union agreed upon.

I have given up attempting persuade those who take lives indiscriminately making enmity between all the members of our human family. Since by their behavior and choice; chose the easier and profitable killing of “our enemy.” Instead in love and curiosity choose to seek the why.

Metaphorically this sword of truth is now pounded into a plowshare. By both those I left and those who welcomed and loved exactly as I am and by what I define myself.

Let it be so for all humanity and those we choose to love as equals. I am uncertain what must be done to restrain or limit those who otherwise would destroy all life, or any life. I await the final Judgement confident of, if not heaven, a lesser hell than we now live in.

These are merely words. It is for truth, ours, theirs and all, we must be willing to live and/or die for. As for myself, having learned the meaning of death I now know better why to live; for why, what & Who.

Perhaps as M says: tolerance for now. My addendum: ideals later if there is to be a later?

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