When
the end comes I pray I will have the courage to not simper, whimper,
wine too much. Instead follow my lead as published: In faith accept
my dying, instant or prolonged as in twenty years declining. Nothing
is for Naught—it will be my time for transition to what comes next.
I
cringe to say that I have since childhood prayed that “God” be
real to me and Our Parent(s) have, at least to me, are here real now.
Yet They are not mine but Ours, for all of us very real but nearly
impossible to find though the vocational rote training we are
educated by.
Based
upon my own experience God was always before a Patented/Copyrighted
thing; an object consumed like my favorite mouse of churches eating
hymnals and prayer books.
Old.
Consecrated.
Impermissible
to be disposed of. Or so I was told by my beloved Father David
Spencer when I asked for them. Cherished but now lost along with my
children, my photographs, what I wrote long ago unreadable now—not
even by me remembering the angst. Not now for I too well remember the
rage, tears and whining I did then writ with blood and magically
disappearing ink; my tears then aggrieved.
So
I fell into ignoring my feelings, intuitions, thoughts and sensings
even then for the most and longest while running from any reference
religious, political or personal regardless the origin public or
private internal or external.
Now
in the ordinary of my life I find that, given the least clue, those
with whom I have converse are inclined to confess the reality as
Truth nameless but always present. A savior not exclusively Jesus but
others nameless and/or famous in their time having grown there then
prominent and in whose name/names were constructed fabulous
constructs become repellent infamous with fraud. Acerbic, astringent,
cynical? Yes.
Offered
in prayerful confession transparent, cynical became skeptical,
transmuted to a foundation universally embarrassing/embracing
everything and everyone including my devilish self and humor. Even
those I once thought my enemies. Sometimes. Even now do I call those
who pretend to be noble, ignoble, or false in their servanthood to us
and the ideals upon which I believe our United States to be founded
upon.
At
times I am a sophist, or, lawyer. Having so often silently plead my
case for this life's continuance or parole in the face of
abandonment, harsh and unusual ideals or punishment for merely being
alive or myself, real. . . . I've taken God's inventory endlessly
over the years and in reply I find I have no other excuse for being
alive. Nor can I fully explain the endless joy I find in discovering
others whose truths lead my conviction that they too were touched.
They are my sole source of entertainment.
Before
Christianity became the State Religion of Rome they, the nascent
primitive church, would worship in the catacombs with the dead.
Knowing the Romans, high and low, enjoyed seeing their children raped
by chimpanzees in the Circus. So like my feelings now when compelled
in service to those about to die who, some, watch television
endlessly.
Skeptical
the truths of others, their values and amusements, I apply the same
measure of justice upon and within myself. The choices of what to do
from minute to minute precious to me now knowing the vagaries of life
temporal.
Beginning
middle end. So very brief are we here strutting our stuff upon this
stage.
Cute!
I
may well be genetically attached to Spiro Agnew? Alliteration now
seems not clever but doggerel. Forgive my snarky remarks about
political no-speak; either side of the isle. It is often a chore,
curbing my mouth, as in Manhattan's signage about pet poop. Which in
it's turn compels recitation of dad's use: “Being beaten to death
with a Blivit—i.e. panty hose filled with excrement; not merely the
impact but the spray through the weave you know. . . .If you don't,
you soon will.
Solemnity
in communion with both the numinous and whole family of mankind seems
irrelevant, if not actually requiring irreverence, given where our
leadership has lead us.
To
close: My initial inspiration was prompted by the discovery of . . .
oh well what the hell or heaven of it; all of them apply, randomly
collected and with my personal quote diary:
--Sophocles
"A
fearful man is always hearing things."
"A
soul that is kind and intends justice discovers more than any
sophist."
“A
state is not a state if it belongs to one man.”
“A
fool cannot be an actor, though an actor may act a fool's part.”
“A
wise man does not chatter with one whose mind is sick.”
"A
wise player ought to accept his throws and score them, not bewail his
luck."
“A
word does not frighten the man who, in acting, feels no fear.”
"All
is disgust when one leaves his own nature and does things that misfit
it."
“Children
are the anchors that hold a mother to life.”
“Dark,
dark The horror of darkness, like a shroud, wraps me and bears me on
through mist and cloud.”
“Do
not grieve yourself too much for those you hate, nor yet forget them
utterly.”
“For
shameful deeds are taught by shameful deeds.”
“Grief
teaches the steadiest minds to waver.”
“How
dreadful it is when the right judge judges wrong.”
“Ignorant
men don't know what good they hold in their hands until they've flung
it away”
“In
a just cause the weak o'ercome the strong.”
"It
is a painful thing to look at your own trouble and know that you
yourself, and no one else, has made it."
“It
is God's giving if we laugh or weep”
“No
one who errs unwillingly is evil.”
“It
is only great souls that know how much glory there is in being good”
“No
honest man will argue on every side”
“No
lie ever reaches old age.”
“No
man loves the bearer of bad tidings.”
“No
treaty is ever an impediment to a cheat.”
“Not
all things are to be discovered many are better concealed.”
"The
keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our
adversities."
“Not
knowing anything is the sweetest life.”
“Numberless
are the world's wonders, but none more wonderful than man.”
“Success,
remember is the reward of toil.”
“The
good befriend themselves.”
"The
greatest griefs are those we cause ourselves."
“The
ideal condition would be, I admit, that men should be right by
instinct but since we are all likely to go astray, The reasonable
thing is to learn from those who can teach”
“There
is a point beyond which even justice becomes unjust.”
“There
is no greater evil for men than the constraint of fortune.”
“Things
gained through unjust fraud are never secure.”
“Those
whose life is long still strive for gain, and for all mortals all
things take second place to money.”
“To
me so deep a silence portends some dread event; a clamorous sorrow
wastes itself in sound.”
"To
throw away an honest friend is, as it were, to throw your life away."
“War
loves to seek its victims in the young.”
“War
never takes a wicked man by chance, the good man always.”
“What
you cannot enforce, do not command.”
“Who
feels no ills, should, therefore, fear them and when fortune smiles,
be doubly cautious, lest destruction come remorseless on him, and he
fall unpitied.”
“Whoever
gets up and comes to grips with Love like a boxer is a fool.”
“Whoever
lives among many evils just as I, how can dying not be a source of
gain”
“Whoever
neglects the arts when he is young has lost the past and is dead to
the future.”
“Whoever
thinks that he alone has speech, or possesses speech or mind above
others, when unfolded such men are seen to be empty.”
“Whoever
understands how to do a kindness when he fares well would be a friend
better than any possession.”
"Wisdom
outweighs any wealth."
“You
should not consider a man's age but his acts.”
I
imply nothing for, or to myself, save to proclaim my ignorance
growing daily. Now expiated and atoned the education I never received
nor was willing to endure: rote not taught to think. And my father
enjoyed his Ferrari instead. Wisdom knows no gender, race or
institution since it like Heaven is a Kingdom to & in itself.
“Ask
and you will receive.”
No comments:
Post a Comment