. . . what I own and what owns me

100102 04:08
The name ‘God’ is merely a three letter word attempting to describe the ineluctable reality of consciousness; personal, responsive and true. Upon awakening a few moments ago, my attention was moving towards an issue that formerly drove me away from God, spiritual vanity.
There is no vanity in poverty and I see the poor as like the birds who neither reap nor sow and upon whom the rain and sunlight fall equally the blest and damned. Yet it is we who damn ourselves to a life of slavery unknowing the chains we are wrapped in.
If I harbor the conceit that I am a teacher I am equally aware of being taught, by life, God and/or those whom I presume to teach. This reminds me that I, at first silently and then vocally with those whom I then trusted, that i/we must grow large enough of heart, soul and self to receive the love of God. Whose Love is constant while ours is forever in process.
Up close and personal I am less willing to speak as freely I do in this forum.
I listen now and have a patience with others I never gave myself until I began to listen to the questions I asked.
If I say that love is a verb then I must confess that my saying, “I love” you was more often a statement of greed for love than a stable energy given to those I gave my attention. And it is for this reality that making amends is important. Closure is a gift. It makes room for more reality than magical expectations of others; they gave what they could afford then and now inadequate the gyroscope of personal stability. There was in the begging an acceptance of their reply, reaction or response as my truth. Looking back I see that I accepted that absolutely but now see that it is their truth and not mine.
I was a slave to the opinions of others and all institutions surrounded my choice to be a victim with confirmation.
It is more common of me to stop, look around, walk away and return to the issues I advocate your attention addressed. At my age it is not uncommon to begin giving away possessions in anticipation no longer needing them in death. I take a skeptical stance regarding what I own and what owns me. I do not ‘own’ my life, I merely inhabit it to the best of my abilities. Making choices to do as little harm as possible to the lives of others and most certainly not to make slaves of them. I put far more emphasis on God than my favorite prophet and teacher Jesus. At the moment I conclude that my choice is apt in that the genius of God’s love is perfect freedom to fail. Referred to as “free will” it is notably absent in the affairs of mankind especially in formal religion or governance.
In either case ‘freedom’ is better defined by property values than what we give of our ourselves to others; love. Love as verb is gift, not barter or extortion.
Of sorrows I’ve had many but of joy, my experience is greater now.