100105 07:19 {unknown at the time - this is the first meditation of three}
I believe in love.
I awoke after 4 hours of sleep, rested yet in turmoil over a dream in which I experienced apocalyptic rage wrath astonishing in that it went both ways; a dialog. Typically when I have dreams of such severity I arise like a . . . well there is a speed, we are capable of, that surpasses all analogies, similes, metaphors, similitude. The speed of sound, or light, is nothing compared to the speed with which we address/assess threat and respond to it.
The speed of thought?
I have an experiential method of assessing the truth of my dreams, carefully constructed from infancy. But I am not concerned with dreams now, since I was lead through the past 7.5 hours to this moment of writing up a postmortem/after action report.
We are about to be divorced from our Parent, God.
Our relationship is being abandoned as a hopeless failure. I know God will be fine but we will suffer tragically, as do all the children of divorce.
I know this from my childhood being abandoned for the agenda of my parents. I know myself, not alone in this, for the Second World War made many of us orphans and thus we are in the majority seeking safety where none is available. The world made safe from holocaust became unsafe for all children afterwards.
Written within us is certainty of love and terror of never finding it.
I advocate that we can find safety together. Considering myself a steward attempting to make passengers comfortable in the final moments before the crash and our mutual, meaningless, death--inevitable. I have no authority, long to be wrong, yet having been trained by everything in my life, up to this moment, am certain that this is what I have life for.
Understanding one’s self--“An unexamined life is not worth living”--is a primary task for we who want a life and love--of value. In, of and for itself.
I know, and can argue, the defense of life’s right to exist and thrive through the agency of many belief systems and philosophies. The best defense is within you yet it has no meaning definable in our communal life about to be extinguished.
“ 21:52
I have looked for signs, omens and portents that I was in error in what I previously wrote. I have been gently reproved through the agency of friends, further study and a decision to use my “school of hard knocks” education to minister to the dying in our local Hospice, where they may only need me to be a door person.
Continued . . .
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