In
my life of greed for love and approval I did allow in, several who
proved to be quick sand instead of geysers; a quagmire versus
levitation. Where do I go when despondent? Rarely depressed, but
having been upon the bridge about to leap I know what depression is
within myself. It takes more courage to live than leap.
For
me, upon the Christmas Eve bridge,
it was then: Jesus, J. S. Bach and Fritz Eichenberg. And the thoughts
they had shared. Or I had fond sticking in my body like petards
bleeding with rage and angst. Bellowing. My head soon to be mounted
in the dark vault of Banksters; cynics who know the price of
everything and the value of nothing. Greed never slaked.
Ask
and the door will be opened.
I
met with a new-to-me author this morning who reflected, almost word
for word, what I had moments previous written. Something several
orders of magnitude more significant than what Gideon asked of a
moist or dry lambs wool before his tent, to me.
No.
Not
The Big I AM but nearly so; a new friend. Someone whose words I can
chew in times of despair instead of bottom feeders and stones while
drowning.
My
list of All Time Favorite Authors grows daily. Equally balanced
between Women and Men; endless.
Highlighted with the usual; those extraordinarily memorable. Coupled
with some not so, but nearly. Saints and Sinners, even materialist;
about to say scientist but then remembering Einsteins covert theology
like Confucius not naming their resources; more teleology than
theology. If I use the name “God” it
lends an idol not a friend. Especially in these times of “like.”
I would rather think I had touched one or two, possibly several,
readers than have a trillion “likes”
Michel
de Montaigne, for his revelatory
transparency, was first; and to whom I frequently refer when lost
regarding what to say, why, and how to
write it. Newly found is: John Churton Collins, from whom I have a
page or two of quotes and snatches of his diary illuminating his
choice to take his own life.
What
I take from these two is not their style or syntax but the spirit of
their questions. And their observations/conclusions on what it means
to be alive, in love and becoming a person.
At
my origin, it was my maternal grandmother who quoted The King James
Version of the Bible and Shakespeare planting those infernal eternal
questions which I continue to seek answers to. Remembering the
child’s song: “Yes, Jesus loves me because the bible tells me so
. . .“
I
am haunted by love requited. And now sense
that it was not only through Jesus and/or the other prophets,
regardless of creed, that truth spoke. But by many others to the end
that we be free to be ourselves in love and truth doing no harm.
"The
love we give away is the only love we keep."
- Elbert Hubbard
"The
pleasures of love are always in proportion to our fears." -
Stendhal
130410
20:52 MDT mirror maze and facets
©
2013 by Jack Spratt – All
Rights Reserved
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