The fear that the light, or sun, would never return, thus the next longest day to be greeted with bonfires of vanity that we can control anything in life. Our tears announcing both terror and joy. Moreover it is specifically human to cry for either reason or none at all the turning of the seasons of life; none to be despised.
As for myself I've held a terror of Christmas. Christ Mass. As in terror akin to Maundy Thursday blackening the chapel bereft of all trappings celebrating the life and sacrifice; the martyrdom of He who I have always adored more than any life I know of including mine. A life I no longer owned in terror that it will never end.
Yet in truth I like so many others would give it that a brother/sister would know more of life; even if only for a moment longer. This is common in life for to give love is better than to receive. A truth more readily known inherently to women than men. Yet love is an energy not a thing or child and known to those who fight and die to retain some sense of the truth that life is a gift defined as such.
Ascendant I seek these truths of all life regardless of mineral, vegetable, or as we define most noble, the life of our culture ideally defining the life of all humans. Yet to know life best, or whole/complete or Holy, is to know the tap root buried; our deepest root touching the terror and wrath: vengeance. What he sacrificed to memorialize love, forgiveness, mercy and the death of death itself. What must die the seed of new life renewed or newly defined.
We who know any day is a good day to die, know better that life is a gift and bond daily renewed. And for most the death we give gladly is not for an ideal but for those closest to us; brothers/sisters at arms in harms way. That our family may live free instead of die in slavery.
In my love for He who is my root. I have come to know and reverence those other prophets of God whose children define their truth as fixed and immutable more ancient than God or Earth, the parent of all as Father . . . as in His great prayer, The Lord's Prayer . . . .
07:00 . . . here I stopped recognizing my dyslexic, becoming more so, child like curiosity the differences between what is said and what is done. A truth regarding myself I cling to since many would say I am insane. Yet my insanity is loving at all any who ask to be so: Loved. And in my infant innocence regained recognize better those who take and those who give and between them I would leave the first and the latter embrace in the hug of peace; with or without expectation of return; gratuity or gratitude. And forever more, at least in this life acknowledged, not so much adored but endured; I will remain in love with God more than life.
My reason for writing began as a search for sanity. Now discovered I recognize that the insanity I attempted to escape was good versus bad since in reality I seek to do no harm. I rejoice in all the tragedies of my life knowing them not as punishment but hammer blows struck; me between the anvil and hammer become something new made from plain stuff.
I have a caring for those who strike others to prove their truth expressing nothing but death theirs and others; worse maimed and left bereft of how they formerly defined their life as well versus poor or bad.
More typical of me now than ever before I seek the loom of light announcing the new or next day. No longer weeping for the potential that the one, a woman, I love may not or no longer share it with me though we remain now ten miles apart.
Love like life is it's own reward.
Be well . . . and God willing we will meet again.
121025 05:35 celebrate
We remain childish, imaging God creating life in a specific image: immutable/immortal. In my experience of helplessness God looking neither like mom or dad but a parent sacrificial did respond: “Ask and you will receive.”
To my death; now or latter on, I will remain silent for what I saw in a vision, conscious, not sleeping, of God. No drugs involved . . . well maybe I was smoking a cigarette; a mild soporific.
After all is said and done I am by personal confession capable of heinous violence and was once misdiagnosed as being bipolar. For which, to no one, not God or another, will I ever beg excuse.
Of myself, growing weaker in old age and less driven by lust to merge with a woman, at anytime or for any reason; I lack the ability to do harm significantly or devote the requisite amount of time a love affair or marriage implies.
Yet of my thoughts and prayers I would advise you to kill me now for if I judge you an enemy of The People; all races, creeds, genders or gender attachments your death will lend you no release. My promise. I or the host will pursue you until time ends.
The Government of China, the people Mitt Romney is in bed with, are now policing the invaded People of Tibet in an attempt to stop self-immolation in protest of their being raped by a superior force. Did any Jew do the same form of protest? And what of their continued participation in usury? Or was The Merchant of Venice a figment of William Shakespeare’s mind?
I am aligned with the poor, amongst whom God is apparent; ignoring the rich, since they enslave all they can and legislate to hide their guilty shame of selfishness. As the former Republican Administration did In a “New York minute;” a heart beat. The “powers” that want to be in force are similar to those who started The School of Terrorism with graduate degrees in Iraq. Worse: Their intention under the cloak of “divinity” would enslave all women within reach, exactly as did The Pakistani shot in the head . . . .
19:50 Seeking the name and correct spelling of the fourteen year old who defied the criminals hiding under the cloak of Islam I fell into and endless research punctuated by classical music. Essentially giving up all hope to express that there are choices, which during the time lapse indicated I found pointless given the cornucopia of human waste expressed as election slogans. Or “news” about the carnival.
My fearless, absent envy, peace can only be attributable to divine intervention and providence. True I did have the help of M, who demurs constantly my gratitude. And then there are those who pray for me to know God’s will for this life so near ending. How many more times must I die? The marriage, the three children, the childhood friends and on and on.
Is detachment a crime? I know indifference is; though I for long have wandered wondering my former wife’s proclamation of detachment given her indifference to me as a person. Saying when I announced my intention to leave her; “I want my husband!”
I am what I am now and willing to learn and grow more knowing my ignorance yet remaining merely a person before all other definitions; merely a soul. Genderless. I have tried being many things for others birthing no fruit.
Women’s equality is not theoretical; but a covenant for all; and all time ahead.
In my estimation Romney/Ryan are a pimple upon the ass of the Military/Industrial complex President Dwight David Eisenhower warned us of; before many of you who might read me were born.
And like the people of Tibet I will burn myself alive to prove my point. I have friends at The New York Times I can pitch the event to. In death I know where I am going and it will be my joy to leave the mess they will make of the world and all women behind humiliating The Grand Old Party.
121024 10:20 sacrificial
©2012 by Jack Spratt - All Rights Reserved
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