I was manacled with iron cuffs by a chain attached to something solid. Hearing a grating noise, looking up at the glooming. Dust dancing in the faint light becoming brighter. The scraping persisted, light crescendoed becoming blinding yet shadowless. Slowly the light grew enlarged. I naked found myself chained to a barren tree truncated nearly limbless; no bark, obviously dead wood.
What force moved the slab above me? I could not discover.Beside me another man stood, shaken, bruised, nose broken, lunging away from me as though I was about to kick, or bite, or strike him; a look of horror contorted his face. . . .
He was darkly semitic . . .
My dream ended and through the years since I began to wonder if I had not see Jesus?
In childhood visiting Jones Beach, Long Island, New York I was tumbled and towed, smashed against the sand; possessed in an ocean wave’s undertow. Feeling the terror, I now remember it was the first time I nearly drown. My helplessness and the sense of release from all struggle. I was saved. In four similar situations and circumstances lungs dead of air about to scream and drown I was saved additional terminations helpless. Why?
I apprehend that I’ve seen Jesus in dreams twice. The first time I was underwater beating His robe. He holding my head, I was a child then and He an adult, not away from my arm reach punching futilely against robe but hand cupped behind my head holding me to his thigh. With each swing I put my heart and soul into striking Him dead but as in the undertow I was helpless with rage for all my childhood suffering.
The last I saw of Jesus, in a vision, he said; “You are on your own,” touched my shoulders, turned and walked away and I cried convulsively driving on Route 95 Northbound somewhere around Stonington, Connecticut. It was during daylight and I was boxed in between cars; Carol sat beside me -- I have known for a lifetime how to hide my tears. It was the first time I knew that I had been in The Presence of Christ. All preceding times left me uncertain, shy about referring to the with anyone. I may or may not have shared the barren tree incident with M but cannot now remember doing so. I was so ashamed of my behavior towards my best friend ever.
And now, even now remembering, I cry because I caused Jesus to fear me! Then He left me. Why!
To know and be known is the primary acknowledgement of embracing life; “I see you.” Ask how the other is and listen. I am a journalist and know how to lead people, yet I do not do so now, but listen after the hello and then listen until I hear the broken place described and then I hold them in prayer. Only knowing now how my prayers were answered this morning and then lead through the day until this moment.
An astrologer sought at the suggestion of friend, therapist, Episcopal Priest and a Jungian. I’ve lost the map but not the memory of her and what she said; “conservative in an ancient sense, the mind of a poet . . . “ there was more about my life changing inevitably (irrevocably?) Of late I have, at the suggestion of a former high school student a grade ahead of me who after reading something I wrote “stream of conscious” style, then not knowing exactly what she meant but she did say WOW! 3XWOW!!!
Since then I’ve broken into spontaneous ‘poetry’ occasionally: when I could not write in prose what I had in mind succinctly. The practice draws from a different internal well of perception and usually surprises me using a different discipline. It is from that well that I discovered roleplay especially regarding The Passion.
I cannot for the life of me explain what happened to lend me the sense I’d, once-long-ago been John the Baptist? Or that my initial engagement had been being his devil’s advocate. Yet even now it seems to make more sense of my dream than anything else. And the synchronicities continue. And the peace I know cubed from all past being in tranquility.
God, it would seem listens to prayer. Perhaps not giving what is asked for but what is needed?
To close for now. I remember all the other astonishing coincidences thinking then who me? Then why me? I am so unworthy of God’s attention. But we are all creatures, and children of God. Perhaps it was working at hospice that resolved my grief the children lost, my rage and eventual recognition . . .
Matthew 19:14 Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and ...
| Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." ... //bible.cc/matthew/19-14.htm - 16k |
http://biblez.com/search.php?q=little+children
. . . may have meant me as well as my children and like lightning strikes we learn to accept and submit to grace eventually.
We do not heal. We lead others to heal themselves of all their fear, hatred and grief. I see Jesus or Mary in others but of God: in all.
121008 19:52 lightning struck
©2012 by Jack Spratt - All Rights Reserved
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