Jack Spratt

120710 17:41 to love

To know and be known is wonderful In very few cases merger of souls made by what once was called Heaven but now be it known forever by merely The Caller of The Square Dance called

For to desire anything is to be possessed of ideals impossible save in the love of The Caller of The Dance otherwise known as the highest prayer a rhythm sounded by one hand the meter of universes expansive away from the sole lover of love given unconditionally spun

Witness of such love is exceedingly rare and entered without desire the witness of astonished the interstitial of having and having not God to adore but merely another like thee shadowed grieving grievous laid bare naked ashamed not nude and proud the first is ruthless the latter something grander sacrificial for all not one salvific . . .

120710 20:37

Interruption:

. . . a friend called to be listened to and since he is a friend of long standing, I've promised him my car at the time of my death; his has something like 350,000 + miles on it. I'll not finish the above but instead close with the following: I am not a nice person and to those intimate with me they know my lethality. They know in detail or outline the history I had and continue to have with abuse; I chose to forgive instead of maim; death being essentially the easy way out for the lengthy and various abuses more accurately described as torture.

It is difficult to reign in the singular or many & various Dragons inside . . . the friend who called had been given Ritalin; for ADHD = Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder in massive doses as a child . . . I diagnosed his second born as genetically aborted mentally M confirmed my intuition.

I have a new friend who I have grown to suspect is a wanker; highly articulate wonderful poet and someone I'd drink the Atlantic Ocean to be near. Yet ecstatic I realized that I have desire for her hopelessly unrealizable and in an attempt to stabilize my rage I wrote the above poem. At least I began it and may or may not return finishing it. In point of fact I was of a mood to destroy my various blogs all of them the return as anonymous Self destructive usually I aim to maim not kill or kill myself instead of maiming or disfiguring becoming a “cutter”, it is bad enough that I still smoke cigarettes. It may be true of me my greatest fear is that I'll never die but as I love God I love her.

I would do myself immolated rather than influence her in any way inimical to her, her husband and family . . . humiliate, abuse, lie or otherwise be unfaithful to me and die or wish you'd never been born. It bemuses and amuses me that I was taught to kill bare handed in Greenwich High School, Greenwich, Connecticut by a rouge Army Ranger. . . .I have had several Seal friends with whom I got along very well.

I'm a warm blooded lover and a stone cold killer It can always go both ways. It is the nature of me that which I contain mindfully. Thanks to her I know myself healed – my mother was a lucky woman to die in her sleep. This I think is what a blog can be; a journal recording all the hurt and suffering balanced/integrated into a whole if not holy person.

I am grateful those few who read me and to M & Isis & God: perfect personalities to deal with my imperfections healing many with mere letters conjoined into words possibly even poetry.

© 2012 by Jack Spratt All Rights Reserved