Being up for awhile I am just getting started: pee, coffee, organize what's left over from the last moment before sighing into bed slumbering there for a time --- who knew the bird awakening me by mocking my rest was a Mocking Bird? Or that upon using another browser because I didn't want to lose the threads discovered on Opera I'd learn it was the advent of a "Transit of Venus across the Sun"?
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transit_of_Venus
"A transit of Venus across the Sun takes place when the planet Venus passes directly between the Sun and Earth, becoming visible against the solar disk. During a transit, Venus can be seen from Earth as a small black disk moving slowly across the face of the Sun. A transit is similar to a solar eclipse by the Moon, but while the diameter of Venus is more than three times that of the Moon it is much further from Earth and so appears smaller and generally takes longer (up to eight hours) to travel across the solar disk. Transits of Venus are among the rarest of predictable astronomical phenomena—they occur in a pattern that repeats every 243 years, with pairs of transits eight years apart separated by long gaps of 121.5 years and 105.5 years. The next transit of Venus occurs on 5 and 6 June 2012, and will be the last Venus transit this century. Historically, Venus transits were of great scientific importance as they were used to gain the first realistic estimates of the size of the solar system. A transit of Venus can be safely observed by taking the same precautions used when observing the partial phases of a solar eclipse."
I'm thinking I'd accept all 'acts of god' great & small with heartfelt welcome, after all I confessed to L earlier this even I'd been honored to witness my son's death but that of my daughter who to my shame died alone in custodial care continually plagues me. In other times ways places thoughts I scream inwardly outwardly moan sighing in grief silently weeping then too long to consciously know my own death: time of departure intentions/thoughts feeling and so on and etc.
Possibly.
Could it be?
My lust for women can never really be slaked abated allayed assuaged quenched satisfied slacked--Thank you WordWeb for this laundry list of synonyms--In some unconscious feminine sense intuition feeling thought foreign to me or so should be so I sincerely wonder why union/congress instead of when; abstinence and celibacy. No fan of one night stands of those once or twice occurrences a lingering distaste remains even now so long ago the infidelity to my Self.
i know no better how to reply to God than Women
who catch my eye lusting for them all the while loving them
as well
we are as children playing in a sandbox
as if
so fluid is my sense of timelessness yet my heart says no
my desire says oh yes one last time before the last of my erections
In truth I do submit surrender and sacrifice my all to what I know is God for the love of all, personal or it.
Mockingbirds are a group of New World passerine birds from the Mimidae family. They are best known for the habit of some species mimicking the songs of other birds and the sounds of insects and amphibians,[1] often loudly and in rapid succession. There are about 17 species in three genera. These do not appear to form a monophyletic lineage: Mimus and Nesomimus are quite closely related; their closest living relatives appear to be some thrashers, such as the Sage Thrasher. Melanotis is more distinct; it seems to represent a very ancient basal lineage of Mimidae.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mockingbird
. . . my memory is to me a mocking devilish angel reminding me of earlier conversations with M who mentioned specifically mockingbirds and their or singular one who kept her awake or wakened her
2nd cup of coffee: thinking what if I were a Billy Shakespeare/Hank Longfellow set loose with a computer? Initially visualizing myself at fourteen driving mother's Cadillac my three friends either terrified or too ignorant to be so while I drove flat-out down New Hampshire country night roads oblivious my charge or potential of destroying not only ourselves, the car but any wild or 'normal' life crossing my foolish folly then at fourteen. In the wake of that I thought of "A Bird In Space" organic not stone undulating like little swimmers in fallopian seeking new transformations of life. Honestly I'd rather be the latter than the former forever a bird in space this mind/consciousness/mindfulness now this self/soul who replied to stimulus with not erections but hymns of thanksgiving all things divine live actual.
. . . I'm thinking this might just be the most honest thing I've ever written and considered publishing since it is my longing to free the soul of anyone who cares to read it--or me--to the end that they too will listen the mockingbirds and transits of Venus two 2 to in a tutu II;)
120605 03:43 Preface
I arose without intention explosively unconscious exactly what had awakened me so shortly after entering rest. I know, admire, love actually, others whose essences I had the privilege to conjoin however briefly I use the sexual innuendo without smirk or gloat since to have intercourse as I do is far more consequential than impregnation; it is fucking someone's soul metaphorically. Gender in this instance is irrelevant since there is potential in all life a dialog with God. Silent to some I seek to make visual what is for me the greatest joy everlasting known experientially.
Instantly consciousness of potential offense against especially two women I've come to love unreasonably pauses me to stillness and pondering maybe not, perhaps, maybe . . . we the three of us will soon be dust our soul's fled and left behind with be all the young who follow in harness this quest and obligation to respond the challenges of being alive in this time and all others to come and have been.
120605 09:40
I am aware of "breakdowns" at least the term if not the experience. In this post I want to share a "Breakout." My freedom from addiction to sex, money, power, fame and all the illusions of secular materialistic immortality/fame/fortune/acclaim. I'll not be more specific since my concern is for your addictions and dysfunctions to which I will now attempt to provide clues as to how to, stone cold sober, achieve emotional sobriety: in short, stop being and/or making yourself insane.
That said, I'll still smoke cigarettes and if diagnosed with cancer of any form, after a second opinion eat a train. Sanity allows masturbation and playing with death you see.
120605 21:51
Emergent like the dawn delayed too long my greed for another to define me dies; executed by facts inconveniently apparent truths. I must publish this to divest what has been initially auspicious explosively pregnant undelivered would kill me more than the whimpering exhausted self an albino lab rat red eyed whiskers though short twitching.
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