“It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.”
--Marcus Aurelius Antoninus
At one point Randy asked; “Can I stop this?” Meaning stop the medical intervention struggling to get him into remission with Leukemia. The survival rate then was five in a hundred. Susan and I agreed. He had several good months. I now remember better his riding a bicycle no hands through rush hour traffic laughing. Trapped between cars I was helpless to do anything but admire his panache.
I continue to smoke cigarettes having long ago decided that should I get the Big “C” I’d not accept anything but palliative care. Suicide has been a life-long study. I’ve even considered keeping a gallon of gasoline for self immolation instead of being subject to what I, humorlessly, call medical care today: ‘Going to the Midas Muffler Shop.’--up on the rack so to say.
Been there, photographed it, walked to the bitter end with and carried people who died in my arms. I’m not trying to be a ‘tough guy.’ Women being tougher than men go more gently into that good night than we.
I cried this morning when I discovered the quote I opened with. Remembering the gift of his works given by Delouse Palmer and his wonderful female lover. At sixteen I met them through curiosity about who, how and the way they lived. I was once a painter wannabe myself. When Delouse died I put my head upon his hallow chest in homage at the funeral parlor.
I won’t say I settled for photography since it has been my magic carpet to all that is good and holy in life. Without photography I’d be a snuffling beast residing in a cafe or under a rock in the desert. The desert that’s where my dust will be even if I have to crawl into a rattlesnakes home to get there.
I cannot emphasize how highly I regard this article: http://www.dailygood.org/view.php?sid=136
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