100204 06:43
Before I die, I’d like to leave a sense of the nature of my addiction, obsession and compulsion. I was informed by trustworthy resources that I was Obsessive/Compulsive. To be perfectly honest with myself, and you, I am not entirely convinced that I’m “out the woods” yet. . . . and it is for your peace that this, my prayer, is written.
In a way it is okay to be obsessed with “God.” But I think there is a sincere need to define our individual relationship with God as being one of interaction and not dependence. To not ask God to do for us what we must do for ourselves.
Prayer, meditation, attendance to group celebrations is wonderful but for me it has been writing myself into validation; alone.
Yesterday was a difficult example of processing information about myself. The significance is personally affirming since in all my days that day will remain affirmation that I am on the right path.
I have two mentors, neither of which did I call. I could have but I have a growing sense that they will leave me behind soon. And if not “soon” anytime in the future will be more than I now believe I can bear.
I can only change myself. They have been a part of that process and there have been times of all consuming dependence yet at each and every turn their encouragement has indicated a will that I do for myself that which God does not provide. God loves and accepts us unconditionally but I’ve not been able to do that for myself. Hadn’t a clue until now.
Good teaching and leadership does that; replaces itself in order that all succeeding generations might do so equally, or nearly so, since God remains always Other; as in I/Thou.
There is enough pain, sorrow and fear in the world. I need to give, or make, peace possible in your life as it has been incarnated in mine. And in the process: do no harm.
. . . "Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none." -- Wm. Shakespeare
When in times of trouble, or doubt, I seek the wisdom of others--all others, including my enemies. To love one’s ‘enemy’ is to accept their right to exist on their own terms without responding in an eye-for-an-eye judgement . . . we learn nothing from killing our ‘enemy’ since in most cases our real adversary is ourselves.
We love our addictions until they fail us, or teach that they are unworthy of pursuit. There is information about God, but the experience of God, is best found in the silence of our hearts individually.
To prove my point I have only to read current headlines and acknowledge that the issue is not “win-lose-or-draw/good, better, best.” Nothing will be possible after the exercise of our power to destroy our enemy since to do so is to destroy ourselves and the world. In a sense we must be part of the solution and not the problem. We are free to wrestle ourselves free of “The sins of the parents . . . “ being our only legacy and/or alternative to that which disturbs our status quo.
To be addicted to anything is to give ownership of yourself to that. Slavery is the dominant position of ignorance and fear. Addiction is rigid while self-knowledge is fluid.
"Sanity may be madness but the maddest of all is to see life as it is and not as it should be"
--Don Quixote:
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