. . . that which is inherant . . . physics and spirit . . .

100104 00:15
There is nothing unique in me beyond that which is inherent in all life. Specific to life is a combination of physics and spirit; conscious to our species, what we call the family of mankind; in creation. All mountains eventually die becoming desert. I don’t know why I know this, I just do. And though, at my age, I am unable to climb them, mountains remain seen from above, my soul soars over them. Yet at other times lays dormant within the stone becoming sand.
I see, feel, intuit and think this experience in all life.
As I knew at the time of my daughters birth, witnessed, and at another time the life of my son, that they were to precede me in death.
I am momentarily conscious that I died both times yet remain alive. Why?
I fell asleep two hours ago and had a dream wherein I was debating the meaning of: antecedence, precedence and now.
Reincarnation makes me wild, the thought of it coupled with Karma drives me nearly insane. I love God to the extent, kind, degree and will that I accede my soul, as I know myself to have and be, without limit or condition. I revere this quality in others and respect the absence of it in others in equal measure. I can not parse nor triage myself further reductively.
Herein lays the end of what propelled me from my rest.
I may have appeared silent as a serpent asleep to my mother while she abused me. My conclusion is that instinctively I knew to cry, or otherwise protest, was pointless and may have caused her to murder me. Though she tore my heart out and castrated me, metaphorically, I remain alive. Why?
I have written in recent time, and previously, that the world will end. And I remain in prayer that my ‘prophecy’ is not self-fulfilling. I have experienced the death of others and myself witnessed internally and externally and want only to know the end of pain, suffering and death.
In my life I know myself alive, or saved, by Jesus who, in my estimate and esteem, was sacrificed to end all fear of death. My ‘fear’ of God describes better my consistent surprise and joy at God’s being real.
I have been randomly collecting quotes for the past several months. I know them better than the Bible which I can only now read with astonishment. I refuse to debate, or contest with anyone, on any basis, the truth of what I discovered upon awaking. I left yesterdays entries and collected quotes open in my word processor:
--Native American
"We have walked together in the shadow of a rainbow."
---Naomi Shihab Nye
"Before you know what kindness really is, you must lose things, feel the future dissolve in a moment... Only kindness that raises its head from the crowd of the world to say 'it is I you have been looking for' and then goes with you everywhere, like a shadow or a friend."
 --Nelson Mandela
"Money won't create success, the freedom to make it will."
I write to teach, to heal--myself and those who might read what I write. There is no fiction in my intent nor any motive to amuse.