. . . as I immolate myself?

091224 00:56
If I sleep as the dead, I sleep enough in one or more hours, to spend the rest of my day in whatever concerns me. Too little the chores, housekeeping and personal hygiene, shaving at the keyboard and eating as well.
I am at peace, my personal trials, regarding what I wrote yesterday, affirmed so many times over, it is ridiculous to mention the facts. I could, but refuse to deconstruct, the surprise and splendor . . . ask and you will receive.
There were other discoveries regarding my bodily abuse. And I wonder how long I will last, surprised, I don’t care.
Annie is keeping me alive. Who will take care of her when I am gone, gladly so, no longer engaged; the chaos of Congress, the agenda’s of avarice, and concern for the future of mankind.
At this moment, and others, I see myself a road-flare burning at both ends and middle soon extinguished; in the desert far from sight save the audience of truth.
Why?
Last Christmas I longed it to be my last. I wanted to simply die at the turning from longest night to the next longer day. It is not only Annie keeping me here, there is another, The Other, always with us. Silent, holding the stars in their courses, enveloping the entire Cosmos.
Could I be nurture, as found in communion, the Body and Blood, I would.
Yet there are events in life far worse than death. I am retrospectively considering the poverty of all women enslaved and without dignity, involuntarily. And I am satisfied with standing up for them in the face of those who, otherwise, would render them breeding stock for cannon fodder.
“If you want peace, work for justice.”
Cannot, at the moment remember the Pope, but am curious, did he intend that equality for woman be the first injustice remedied?
Laws are remedial, yet the Love potential in loving equally, both genders, combined, or exclusive of one another, will, I believe, heal the world before it is too late.
I was marooned as a child, yet saved by the abandonment. Desolation is my home in chaos. I weep not for myself, now, yet for all others, especially the AIDS orphans of Africa and those homeless this Christmas as well. Of children at war, well, I wish they would simply lay aside their weapons and embrace one another in the family of mankind and get on with life. So I do pray for both sides of every issue.
How can I serve them, except with these paltry words, burning in the night, as I immolate myself?