120624 02:48

There's time Then there are times I don't wa'na live

The blues done come and got me

& I can't pass through walls like I did before I just splatter against them A gray moth greasy smear on the front of a Greyhound Bus baked on

Ain't nothing to see

Nothing to hear

Nothing

Just me gone Zero

What are the Blues?

Honey I ain't Black I'm the Heart of Darkness personified & black as the night on night The Night of Eternity Not a star in sight Never is Never was Never wa'na be anything Not even Love

Nothing at all again or ever was Black Hole Reality

Gone

Don't wana go on Jesus come get me Please Dear God I've had enough smothered dead by indifference THEY, Inc. Win I lose The ones with THE MONEY HONEY done raped me then my children then slayed me dead after eating my children

All dead for All time

The last time I saw Jesus I was driving North Bound on Route 95 somewhere around Essex Connecticut surrounded by assholes driving SUV s front to back side to side couldn't stop go forward and I cried Keep you cool bro there's nowhere to go You're on your own & He left me Last Time & I still cry whenever whatever all the time alone on the front of a Greyhound Bus in Tuscon midnight left behind the bald light of day the 5^th of July

god

Goddam

DA MAN

I don't wannabe nice just me eschew obfuscation OFU! amen 

120623 07:10

Ideologies by their nature tend to be obsessional leading to bigotry. This I know from self examination and redemption to a greater & more universal truth. . . . a sunrise after the darkest night.

In perfect honesty transparently rendered my roots are christian meaning Jesus is my primary entry point to The All via either Catholicism or Protestantism. For both venues I owe a debt of gratitude. Yet in time I’ve become conversant with all religions commonly available and some that are not. It followed from my baptism, Methodist, in time and turn I became Baptist (American Convention) then Episcopal and nominally Catholic through work as a photojournalist for various local and national Catholic newspapers or agencies.

The latter made available to me a scholarship for a three year course of study entitled: “The Spirituality of Christian Leadership”: one night a week plus six retreats per year. There I came to know better and not fear Catholicism plus deep insights into the lives of the Saints. Then by extrapolation the saints among us now both and/or all definitions, traditions, boundless inclusive of and superseding definitions save one: self-derived and/or inspired. So, in some profound sense, if I must define myself to those who would be intimate with me; I am not religious or spiritual but inclusive of all of the above and more. Deriving inspiration—the in breathing of what I call God via a plethora of disciplines without prejudice or bigotry or slavery even to God.

If I am a ‘slave’ it is to your freedom and liberty to join the chorus of our species’ will to Love. And thence to make love possible for all of us instead of hatred and greed or destruction ownership and death. To this end I remain an adherent to Islam, Buddhism and Taoism. Never a “True Believer” in the sense manifest in Eric Hoffer’s definition of the term I retain a fundamental to my life Faith in God. The Who all prophets came to proclaim, manifest and publish.

“Faith is much better than belief. Belief is when someone else does the thinking.”

---R. Buckminster Fuller who also said: "In order to change an existing paradigm you do not struggle to try and change the problematic model. You create a new model and make the old one obsolete."

Please forgive my trespass I have no intention of leading you, anyone, or myself astray; yet it is my apprehension and conviction that we must enter a universal dialog sans power, greed, profit that we as a species survive in peace before the death of our planet home. It may already be too late since we are at 3 Billion over capacity now and growing hourly.

With apology I am conversant with the two diametrically apposed wisdom traditions: one most often followed is to accept the love and grace speaking though the mouths of many who proclaim nothing beyond their small following in life leaving in peace and tranquility. The other is more difficult, for me defined by those who are assassinated or killed, advocates for all mankind in their lives cut short. They are many yet few well known unpublished other than as statistics assassinated by Institutions: Religious, Governmental or Incorporated for Profit.

I know Jesus by his first name, the latter “Christ” or anointed with oil came after His departure by any means prophecies notwithstanding. As for myself I am nothing. At very best imperfect. My Messianic Complex excoriated gibbeted and evaporated long ago. But We need a new One and I sense it must be us since we are the body of God, God’s Church, Temple, Mosque, and/or wherever the rest of us assemble to worship and reverence The Great I Am to whom we must eventually in life or death submit. Whether we believe have faith or do not.

I do not weep now but laugh remembering the origins of my baptism The Wesley Brothers preaching beneath trees in factories wherever with no birds to light upon their shoulders as St. Francis by legend did.

My peace I give you

or at the very least

an aid to you in finding

your own in a time of chaos

suffering & what seemingly must

end in the death of our home and us.

. . . the nature of love; acceptance of everything divine and obnoxious within us individually

Next is the nature of Free Will: it is choice to be, or not to be, loving, merciful, empathetic deliberate assertive proactive versus reactive, responsible, honest and to participate

& last since the end is nearer than I know for us do no harm for any reason

it being far too easy to kill instead of love. . . .

Only Breath

Not Christian or Jew or Muslim, not Hindu

Buddhist, sufi, or zen. Not any religion

or cultural system. I am not from the East

or the West, not out of the ocean or up

from the ground, not natural or ethereal, not

composed of elements at all. I do not exist,

am not an entity in this world or in the next,

did not descend from Adam and Eve or any

origin story. My place is placeless, a trace

of the traceless. Neither body or soul.

I belong to the beloved, have seen the two

worlds as one and that one call to and know,

first, last, outer, inner, only that

breath breathing human being. --Rumi

Preface 120623 11:30

Of, for, by choice, I am astonished at my ignorance in these times; the end game of my life. I have no excuse now since the fear I knew from infancy onward of being tested and found unworthy of life itself is healed. Healing is not absolute nor redemption absolution or atonement but a process, one that I intuit sense think and feel will proceed after my demise; such is the nature of my faith: universal.

If I am constrained by the defensive walls constructed to protect me from all hazard real or imagined by my hands not alone they are dissolved. I was once told I could or would or might heal. Initially it seemed that I was to heal myself. Later on I asked again what I was to do and/or could I really heal not others or myself but simply whatever came down the pike or such as was provided me to do. At the moment flickering across the screen of my consciousness are the 6 Million & the 60 Million slain for the gratification of an ideology. That was then, this is now, and within me and all of us is the treasure that will keep us in peace or merely health for which we are 90% responsible.

My ignorance is huge, vast beyond any ability I have fill regardless how much I do to amend the vacuum http://encyclopedia.thefreedictionary.com/History+of+Earth

 

120623 04:13

m&m chronicles

in you/You're presence I feel that we've met before time began and a longing to chronicle some part of heaven's being a reality in a telling of us M&me or M&M you me god in dance somehow greater than the stars in their courses and over leaping all analogies similes a rhythm greater in silence heard

that little hesitancy pregnant pause between the intention and actual parting acknowledging the inevitability that we this time we must leave one another again again again knowing that though apart we are process of something beyond being anything beginning ending becoming again somehow from somewhere comes the idea thought or reality a rule of thirds pre everything knowable event horizon again

as if we'd never met meeting again altered states expanding sober I sense what my daughter the one living not speaking or seeking told me long ago when I met her impregnator for the first time she suggested having been wait staff that I leave no less than 20% gratuity and ever since it has been my rule of thumb regardless the quality of attention This you too do being like them we observers of the humans we serve knowing them different not sheep or goat lion or lamb but those who take and those who give

in this we become one momentarily and then pass through each other becoming someone else then parting our sacred dance always partners together or apart at the moment there is a single note chiming and beneath that a clock ticking but all mine this night turning day I have no mechanical clocks Precious to me this silence measured and treasured forever more to be in the presence The circle of prophets dancing together while we all life beneath them destroy ourselves and the world There is a place for us We all life extinct too soon All were pearls of Great Value

I'd had not a clue that you were reading my 'stuff' fluff nonsense ecstatic conjecture this sweat of blood and tears running from me like a typhoon rain erupting from within No More nearly passing thought the orifice of my being for now this man sagging in wattles wrinkles and warts Who for You would always be as beautiful as can be in homage to Yours To Me A mirror in which I see within the Green Growing Glowing Emerald eyes I see me adoring you mute blind diminutive shrinking to nothingness eclipsed drown in Love we becoming a river of Stars more extant then The Milky Way above us in dance yants single of purpose

wherever two or more gathered will god be there in without names proclaimed If there is any sadness it is knowing that the trillionth part of our knowing together or apart is more than most with their ten percent using of life and love for which we now live in this time never ending

amen

a prayer poem for us & US & WE ALL

120621 07:00 sparkles

For Betsy:

sometimes mostly always awakening I sense sparklers inserted ignited orifically no body part harmed or despised all adored sparkles dancing in my eyes hair aflame with impelled compulsion to write No chore Not knowing how but why to author anything my delight lately discovered realized

of course but then the idea/ideal of poetry never occurred to me until a certain someone not known before but seen a peer from high school commented . . . you know it is 'like' . . . to be liked at least once in a while Women are vastly superior compared fabulous to men in that they themselves feel and say “OUCH!” or “WOW!” Least once-in-awhile & she her WOW! Times THREE times over that ignited this not immortal but molested 'prose poetry'?

“Writer/

Author?”

who me?

how now!

from slumbered indifference

--C. P. Scott

“Television? The word is half Latin and half Greek. No good can come of it.”

-- C. P. Snow

"No one is fit to be trusted with power. ... No one. ... Any man who has lived at all knows the follies and wickedness he's capable of. ... And if he does know it, he knows also that neither he nor any man ought to be allowed to decide a single human fate."

120622 18:54

Something this way comes towards me Not ominous but wondrous A rhythm sensuous sinuous sibilant rattling of a snake arisen to dance with me And I have no fear for I know the bite will not slay me so much and irrevocably change me for the better unknown and unimaginable

As the natives say from whom we stole their religion and land to be bitten is to know an ecstasy beyond imagining before I die and for the resource I will seek my end when diagnosed with cancer or whatever rather perhaps than the eating of train. Rattle Snakes are more readily available than the the trains around here especially the young most venomous in spring more noble than the third world medical care here so pricey humiliating

I a sailor home from the sea my oar planted become a tree then the Phoenix arising to immolate again and again yet higher each time flown what they here before me long ago called Thunder Bird An odd totem for a mendicant migrant with hydra ideas springing from my scalp

I long thought women more interesting then men stemming from the original mercurial more explosive than nice woman who give me life yet now I see that it was she not in fear but simple adoration for to me she was of course gorgeous but then all sons more-or-less remember mom so—and sexy too But then sexy looking is not sexy doing the telling is in the pudding and now I recognize myself lately adolescent turned in my old age more wise than I was foolish for so long until now when women seem burnt to a cinder from long being a receptacle or convenience for little boys who never grow up

Odd this daily death resurrection a beginning again anew reborn a virgin birth no woman required though I adore one unreasonably who a trebuchet hurled me from my perch upon the tree of snug harbor more nearly towards The Tree of Life enfolding us as the cosmos above and within traveled

One afternoon leaving behind my day at hospice I stood transfixed at what I presume wishful thinking or magical exposition two birds in aerialist mating display up down sideways then flight in opposite directions breaking away possibly a disagreement but exquisite nevertheless

This date 20:43

I seldom speak ill of the dead though there is often cause since their deeds affected me and my life as lived now. However for the most part I have forgiven them seeing their abuse as teaching me well the need to assert my right to be treated as human.

That said I now shift my attention to recent posts regarding the contents of heads of state or nearly so; Senators and Representatives. Those who have invoked not only THE THOUGHT POLICE but pandered to commercial interest of the few who in fear of monetary loss have censored our free access to the Internet therefore representing exclusively their reelection desire as funded by those who bought our future and the future of all who would learn and desire to be free from oppression from the tyrants who did this to us. They are not only shit heads but criminal at that.

A pig dressed in an Armani suit remains a pig, greedy eating anything, while selling their children into prostitution and all other forms of slavery to aggrandize themselves. We are governed by corporations not politicians as they were once known. Politics is the art of the possible for the majority of people not the few who steal our lives.

"When society requires to be rebuilt, there is no use in attempting to rebuild it on the old plan."

--John Stuart Mill

"Not ignorance, but ignorance of ignorance is the death of knowledge."

"Now the intercourse between individuals and between social groups takes one of two forms, force or persuasion. Commerce is the great example of intercourse by way of persuasion. War, slavery, and governmental compulsion exemplify the reign of force."

--Alfred North Whitehead

. . . if you have read this far and not been placing a contract upon my life

In the spirit and fact and full disclosure—transparency. I am late with my morning custom of annotation the current crop of quotes discovered and recorded by me daily. Therein I find inspiration , solace, knowledge but most importantly: wisdom. I do confess it is a form of divination explicit to me, my thoughts which I in turn record, of late, in publication. The practice and process is entirely random but astonishingly rewarding. I did find the fifth commandment: Honor your Father and Mother and though oh shit! Curious I began to follow hyperlinks and discovered:

Dr Samuel Johnson, in his A Dictionary of the English Language (1755), defined honour as having several senses, the first of which was "nobility of soul, magnanimity, and a scorn of meanness." This sort of honour derives from the perceived virtuous conduct and personal integrity of the person endowed with it. On the other hand, Johnson also defined honour in relationship to "reputation" and "fame"; to "privileges of rank or birth", and as "respect" of the kind which "places an individual socially and determines his right to precedence." This sort of honour is not so much a function of moral or ethical excellence, as it is a consequence of power. Finally, with respect to women, honour has traditionally been associated with (or identical to) "chastity" or "virginity", or in case of a married woman, "fidelity".

In closing I'll remind you: “There is no honor amongst thieves.” & as for myself I am not so heavenly minded that I am no earthly good especially to those oppressed, abused or merely enslaved by ignorance

120622 05:56

we who grieve now or overmuch in past times will if by choice grieve beyond our deaths and then meet there in a place for us of which I intuit but do not know for now

I know they nailed his feet I was there then when He passed beyond me I wept my cheek upon the nail in his feet cold the nail and his now bloody dead toes

Yet now even now forever He loves loved will love me as I love Him before then and then and now

There is no exclusion from the maelstrom of life That place in the placental tranquil sea from which we are exiled into if not chaos at the very least constant change transformation challenge & those who promise peace as jobs happiness security can never deliver anything but lies and sadly are by birth defective in that they may pretend but have no empathy for anyone other then themselves I have no right to judge them and no true ability to draw the measure of their souls only The Creator of Us can and will do that

But from measuring the height width breadth and God help me depth I see myself at times cold clinical cynical as Josef Rudolf Mengele to name but one form & choice of deadly indifference I am capable of but choose not to pursue

Obvious now to me is my choice to seek Love in all things hideous or glorious and will to forgive my mutilator by choice Such is the peace I now know my grief reconciled yet not forgotten It is a wealth true and worth more than being anyone else I know in The Universe since I know the boundaries of me explored and defined The what and why I write is merely to encourage you to find not That Place but the place within you that is such a Love as I know defined by you alone.

The Place for us is now and then when we meet Face-to-face Truth.

They who mislead us and destroy us making impossible life lived in liberty of Free Will must be held in our loving empathy—Do no harm.

This meditation is based upon two principal thoughts: Jesus indicating John said, He will remain if I say he will. (My sense and possible misunderstanding of the passage) And a traffic sign which to me indicates Zero the number of God and two eights the number of Jesus and the horizontal arrows lateral It could can and will always go both ways; to me the nature of Free Will and Karma's choice . . . the Zia symbol you'll have to look up it too is significant

I am neither religious nor political but unreasonably in love with the Power of Love maybe maybe not insanely so could be why not

120621 04:47 Serene never indifferent

I am neither profound nor profane but somewhere either between or utterly other or merely myself as infantile and equally ancient more nearly of or as God whom I dearly clearly willfully more nearly would love as always more and other than my self.

as I play with myself prayerfully as in a sandbox filled with building blocks lettered laughing out loud the conjunctions and configurations random that spell love a word whose meaning can be defined in manifold ways to suit the utterer

irreverent superfluous scandalous I regard all others especially those radically different from myself as equally grand and divine as defined in Eden's garden wherein being the southern area of Africa no whities need apply creation begun they were most assuredly have been black while I am white and by this I see God Adam & Eve & of course the Snake all black so I am irrelevant or at the very least lesser somehow in the darkness of history

Thus or so it must not in conjecture have been Jesus naked as the day he was born crucified in the end sans diaper voiding and excreting himself as I would will when I die when born yet again or merely once I cling to his horny nailed cold dead feet weeping then as now in terminal grief His leaving me motley Chameleon becoming all the colors of the cosmos merging heaven with hell is not birth life death one continuity no part to be despised while He of course remains Something Else a womanly man all faculties equally combined a paean to Reinhold Niebuhr's Serenity Prayer with a nod to St. Francis in a tutu. 

I can change nothing but myself yet would argue the right to ask or tell the words “God, grant me” to “God thank you for” the serenity. . . .Amen in these final days of my self and us and all things created large and small following thee more nearly now once celebrated now mourned have You forsaken us? Me thinks we forsake ourselves.

Why oh why can you see me now apologetic and fecal minded as those who purport to serve us scatocephalic the politicians stupefaction of all parties concerned is astonishing What was once noble in conception has become merely dominance by the few of the many Yet true of all institutions from revolutions inevitable death ensues the stewards become fools in their vanity pretending to be God among men the vortex of vanity a maelstrom of greed selfishness grown gigantic The only divine right is life itself and free will to become whole if not holy I am a man weeping become beware of me the patience of a parent whose child died uselessly either from chance choice or disease . . . once whole returned in pieces or never more to be seen at the behest of idealogues My intention is evolutionary not revolution but becoming ever clearer Knowing your vanity will eventually slay you not me.

Be well and pursue your Self to its inevitable end redeemed or forever damned not by me since I stand foolish before the same Judge as you All are equally beloved and in choice must accept the accountancy Karma is choice not chance

http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Reinhold_Niebuhr

120620 00:43

Rage the most petty of passions is for me a literary device; a mining of past events seen differently from current perspectives fluid shaken not stirred steered & consumed.

I think now what drove my mother to heights of insane behavior was retrospectively my unblinking dispassionate analysis. What in former times I thought intuitive sensing her near the point of killing me defenseless. Tears or complaint the fatal trigger.

My father died a few years ago. Mother predeceased him by some fifteen years; long divorced after 27 years of marriage. I'd taken to inquisition his sense of truth about all things family tiny & immense in previous times when together. The parameters of my quest far ranging definitions deep expectation explicit. We'd become friends at last before his final day . . . when he called to say goodbye then died. He 92, I something like 67 I misremember the age and time irrelevant the calm sincerity of saying, “I'll miss you dad . . . “ Then silence--he'd disconnected. 

 

Then I wept as I weep now for the love remembered always sought never expressed but at the final moment realized now; only a friend calls to say goodbye before the final leave taking and no “see you later” possible.

Now even now I weeping realize that the greatest lover of all what we call God who is a friend too. Death in this moment instantly resurrected different remembering I have no right to be alive; so often mangled drown slandered and crushed.

Yet I live why?

We are mere clay recycled endlessly by the Potter who taking the cracked cup mended or shards may at times merely return us to clay or dust for water is required otherwise return the spinning wheel.

The cosmos?

Vincent's Starry Starry Night a window to infinity beyond the fire trees writhing over the village if only seen the eyes of Glory & the Eyes of God seeking seeing us.

To forgive is not to forget but to remember differently creating the world we wish to inhabit as incarnated by us . . . and now more so now and growing I am forgiven my anger and rage toward my mom & dad & our Mother/Father parents of everything.

. . . the Who is no treacly yes to everything we wish for knowing no for now or forever is better at times. How could I know this only now since having ridden the Dragon of My Rage reaching high and low the height width breadth infinite length knowing the origin of my fear and terror redeemed & for me & for us all God is no mere word upon the flesh of dead trees ink or dancing serifs upon either in actuality not a name but a presence and we being binary must say yes or no

Should I leave you now for real this moment silent eternally I will still sing in reply to the love notes of/from God through other hearts and souls conscious God & Heaven within us.

My truth & troth

amen.

Goodbye friend be well do no harm be kind to all others

beginning best blest with your self/soul/consciousness.

. . . in reply to a comment by irene carol sznobersznober # Sunday, June 17, 2012 5:55:34 AM